What a Dad Wants

Dad is looking for love, or an expression thereof

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    NEWSLETTERS

    TK
    Getty Images

    News flash — this just in: Men want sex.

    I know, right? Stop the presses. A recent poll of 4,000 dads, however, conducted by MomLogic.com, revealed the top seven gifts desired — that’s an operative word here — for Father’s Day.

    No. 2 on the list — 21.2 percent — came in at “sex with mom,” and I’m just hoping that’s not an Oedipal thing.

    A day without the kids, top-shelf libations, handmade gifts from the kids, and a day to himself with the kids filled in the middle bits. I kind want to focus on No. 1 and No. 7.

    Something — a coffee mug, T-shirt, ball cap, presumably not a tattoo — reading “World’s Greatest Dad” brought up the rear with 2.3 percent of surveyed males desiring same.

    Something tells me that any guy who wants that as a gift — Father’s Day or any other occasion — lost parts of his boy-bits either in the pre-nup or the settlement. Those babies are under safe deposit box lock-and-key at the bank.

    She has the key, and he sings alto in the choir.

    Topping the wish list with a commanding 58.9 percent of the surveyed males asking, hoping, pleading for it was … how can I put this delicately … his wife to inhale vigorously. Not hyperventilating, mind you, unless it’s him, and he might if it occurs so infrequently that he has to ask, hope, plead, for, um, you know.

    I’m guessing a little handiwork would come in at No 1.5, if you know what I mean.

    But ladies, word — it’s not just Father’s Day. It’s every other day of the year. Bank it, just not in that safe deposit box.

    Bruce Felps owns and operates East Dallas Times, an online community news outlet serving the White Rock Lake area. He … ah, never mind.