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The Cure For Your Cowboys Blues: Stadium Lap Dances!

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It’s been a difficult season for you Cowboys fans. Your team is awful. The season is already a lost cause. Your QB is injured. Your head coach looks like a husky child who just saw his Frisbee go over the neighbor’s fence. And the Rangers got crushed in the World Series. It’s been a rotten few weeks for you, which is why one enterprising female Cowboys fan has come up with a brilliant solution: IN-STADIUM LAP DANCING. (See the video on Deadspin.com)

Yes, while Tony Romo was busy having his collarbone pulverized by the Giants, someone took a video of this fine young lass doing her best grind for a long suffering Cowboys fan in the front row. She doesn’t even care that the guys filming it behind her expressly say they’re gonna put the video on YouTube. NOW THAT’S DEDICATION!

I for one applaud this young woman’s entrepreneurial spirit. I think Jerry Jones can learn a lot from this video. Remember, Cowboys Stadium was devised as an all-encompassing entertainment complex. The football game is but a mere portion of your diversion options. So really, does it matter if the team sucks? You can still go to any Cowboys home game this season (almost certainly at a discount price) and have the opportunity to experience a Miller Lite girl rubbing against you. But that’s not all! Remember last year, when a couple decided to christen JerryWorld by doing it in a bathroom stall? With enough beer, that could totally happen to YOU! But that’s not the end of your possible stadium options this year. You could:

-Get drunk!

-Watch OTHER people make out in the stands!

-Get drunk!

-Look at all the lobby paintings! FANCY!

-Stare at the Jumbotron and hope they change the channel to a better game!

-Get drunk!

-Eat things!

-Teach your children about human anatomy!

-Get drunk!

-Hold up FIRE JERRY signs and then get escorted away by security!

-Get drunk!

You see, Cowboys fans? All is not lost. Just because your team stinks doesn’t mean you still can’t go to JerryWorld and have a good time. In fact, you’ve got a whole half-season left of misery and failure! Let’s see you get creative.

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