Fire Wade-o-Meter Level: CODE FIRE BLOOD LAVA RED

People, I can’t jack the Fire Wade-o-Meter up any higher than the level it’s at right now. It’s beyond red. Even if Superman actually existed, and he crashed in his space capsule on our planet and forged a cape out of the blanket found in that capsule – a material not known to this Earth, and unlike any other substance found here – that cape STILL wouldn’t be as red as the current Fire Wade-o-Meter. It is NONE MORE RED.

In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen more of a lame duck coach. Maybe Jim Fassel at the end of his Giants tenure, or poor Jim Zorn last year, but that’s pretty much it. Any mortal man would have been fired weeks ago. But Wade Phillips possesses a certain jaunty innocence and pathetic demeanor that apparently makes people HATE to fire him. No one likes to see a sad, husky child.

But Wade WILL be fired this week. I guarantee it. There’s no other viable option for Jerry Jones right now. If you wanted a play that was a microcosm of the Phillips Era, you could hardly do better than Bryan McCann’s fumbled kickoff that got returned by Nick Collins for a Packers touchdown. The fact that the Cowboys had no timeouts left to challenge that play (McCann was so clearly down, it’s almost as if the refs absorbed the Cowboys’ laziness by sheer osmosis), and that it happened jusssst before two minutes left shows you how dedicated this team is to its ineptitude. It’s staggering, really.

Wade’s press conference today has been scheduled as usual for 4 p.m. I’m still kind of shocked he wasn’t fired an hour after last night’s game. Jerry has already said heads will roll from this loss. But really, what other head will do right now besides Wade’s? Expect Jones to cut bait sometime before the end of tomorrow.

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