AARP to Seniors: Act Your Age

Organization advises against Jell-O shots, crowd surfing

By Bruce Felps
|  Wednesday, Aug 31, 2011  |  Updated 3:36 PM CDT
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AARP to Seniors: Act Your Age

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Commentary
by Bruce Felps

Oh, life goes full circle, doesn’t it?

When we were kids, our parents would tell us to “straighten up and act your age.” Now that some of us are aging Baby Boomers, AARP comes along and tells us to “straighten up and act your age.”

I have two words for AARP. The first is "shut" and the last is "up." Hmm. Seems like something is missing.

Anyhow, the September newsletter from AARP contains a list of appropriate and inappropriate behaviors and activities for the over-50 set. According to the geriatric advocates, people of a certain age should avoid Jell-O shots. But c'mon, Jell-O is one of the major food groups for a lot of old people. They might as well get a buzz out of it, too.

We, I mean they, they also should abstain from visible tattoos — um, too late — karaoke, tell that to Tony Bennett, and mosh pits, unless the moshing takes place at a karaoke bar. I might have made up that last bit.

OK, I will give them the part about grannies and low-rise jeans. Yeah, not a pretty sight in most cases. And older women wearing T-shirts reading “Hot Granny” are just walking oxymorons, although there might be some exceptions.

I do, yes, agree that the mature set [ha] should avoid drinking champagne out of a woman’s shoe. Then again, that’s sage advice for anybody because eww.


Bruce Felps owns and operates East Dallas Times, an online community news outlet serving the White Rock Lake area. He might be the most Peter Panicked guy in North Texas.

The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of NBC, NBC 5, NBCDFW.com or its employees.

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