Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch at home while you stay at home and prepare for the royal wedding. Box of tissues? Check. Second box of tissues? Check. Alarm clock set to go off at 4AM the day of the wedding? Check. LET’S GO!
25 YEARS OF SEXY: PEOPLE’S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE! – 10:00PM (ABC) Kim Kardashian hosts this 25-year retrospective of People’s scientifically calculated award for hunkiness. Did you know Nick Nolte once won this award? I swear it’s true. Can you imagine Nick Nolte being sexier than ANYONE? There was a spider cricket in my basement last night, and I swear I’d hop into bed with that monster before rolling in the hay with Jack Cates. Also tonight, an interview with 2010 winner Ryan Reynolds. He’s so humble when he’s showing off his abs! ANTICIPATION: SEXY!
AVALON HIGH – 8:00PM (Disney Channel) Disney has had tremendous luck with TV movies, and so they’re introducing this new potential franchise about a high school that’s actually a modern-day Camelot, with knights and jousting and everything. So for you fans of children’s multiplatform franchises, we now have a King Arthur high school to go with franchises about a wizarding high school, a superhero high school, a Greek God high school, and a vampire high school. I’m very excited for the next iteration of this. You guessed it: LIZARD HIGH SCHOOL, where everyone is a lizard! You tell me that wouldn’t be nutty! ANTICIPATION: HEAR YE HEAR YE!
FINDING HULK HOGAN – 10:00PM (A&E) This hour-long special chronicles the Hulkster’s return to the ring and takes a glimpse at his personal life. And what a personal life. His wife divorced him after he slept with one of his daughter’s friends. And his ex-wife got engaged to a 21-year-old. ANTICIPATION: IRISH WHIP INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!
WHAT’S EATING YOU? – 10:00PM (E!) A woman struggles with her addiction to eating chalk. Chalk? Really?
Yep. Chalk. I dunno why you’d eat chalk when you feast on delicious Tums all day long. ANTICIPATION: CHALK!
TON OF LOVE – 10:00PM (TLC) Three obese couples are profiled in this tastefully named series. Watch them hug and accidentally crush the lamp while doing so! ANTICIPATION: FAT!