Quarterback Peyton Manning throws against the Dallas Cowboys during a preseason game at Texas Stadium on August 9, 2007.
*After noting the quaint splendor of the area while in Indianapolis for the game, Jerry Jones will buy the State of Indiana. The state economy will then collapse.
*Due to a wave of injuries dealt to the already battered Colts, the team will be forced to call on a local fan to come out of the stands, suit up and play wide receiver. The funeral will be held Wednesday.
*The Cowboys will mismanage their final drive once again, and down three, the team will attempt an improbable 82-yard field goal. David Buehler will narrowly miss.
*Sidelined by a strained calf, Marion Barber will live up to his nickname “Marion the Barbarian” by eating raw meat on the bench and striking a side judge with a wooden club.
*Fans watching the television broadcast on Fox will be shocked on Sunday when the Fox Sports Robot becomes self-aware and starts attacking everyone.
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