It’s time once again this week to check in with everyone’s favorite tight end and incessant tweetie pie, Martellus Bennett. You know, if you’ve sat around asking yourself, “Hey, are the Cowboys practicing right now?” it’s easy to divine the answer. Simply go to Marty B’s Twitter page. If he hasn’t tweeted in the past two minutes, that means there are practices and position meetings being conducted AS WE SPEAK. Because once he’s out of those team obligations, our man Marty B tweets at an astonishing rate of 450tpm. It’s not easy to keep up with Bennett’s huge output of twittarrhea, which is why I’m here. I sift through it all, and last night, something odd happened.
If you’re familiar with Marty B, you know that in general, he’s an easy-going fellow who spends most of his time poking fun at himself. But last night, he exchanged testy tweets with someone by the handle of “roy11dc”. Not hard to piece together who that handle refers to: a guy named Roy with the number 11 who plays for the DC. As of this morning, whoever opened the “roy11dc” account shut it down, because the account is gone. But a simple search turns up numerous tweets from someone who certainly wanted to portray himself as Cowboys wideout Roy Williams. Some samples to establish the identity:
@KevinDurant35 Hook'em Horns Kevin!!! you still be hanging out with t.j. ford-augustin-ivy?
@terrellowens ustream t.o.! come on man, u entertaining brotha
@OGOchoCinco chad go live man, f--k all these b--ches who try to act hard
@ddockett what up darnell,how is life man?Sorry bout your great grandma & other family memeber.god bless u,i will never understand people
@OGOchoCinco chad get you’re a-s back in the chat room homie, u funny
@StarburyMarbury yo steph, big fan of yours... for some reason i got banned, not sure y,,, can u unban me so i can get back up in there,,thx
So here we have someone who is tweeting to fellow athletes and clearly trying to be quite chummy with them. It’s not hard to impersonate someone on Twitter like that. Trust me, I know. And this would-be Roy Williams tried to pick a fight With Marty B on Twitter three days ago over Michael Vick (who Marty B supports), and the tweets read like typical troll messages:
roy11dc @MartyBTV Vick is a scum just like the rest of em who kill animals.sad it takes a big pro athlete to realize how many do this cruel act
roy11dc @MartyBTV hate excuse when have animals been more valuable then us,ur being a hypocrite marty.U say death is death.well killing is killing!
Fine and dandy. This guy’s a fake. What’s weird is that, last night, Marty B went ahead and engaged the fake Roy Williams, who sent him this message:
roy11dc @Jupiters_Crunch marty quit tryin so hard to be funny u clown... that's how u comin across now
Bennett’s reaction was a testy departure from his usual demeanor.
@roy11dc shut fool. For one I'm not even trying to be funny a—hole
RT @roy11dc: @Jupiters_Crunch marty quit tryin so hard to be funny u clown... that's how u comin across now<------- a--hole please
Hey if u came at me the wrong I will respond like a normal person idiots. Don't try and pull my cards I keeps it real.
Then, a few minutes later, the phony Roy Williams apologized.
@Jupiters_Crunch ok dude, please forgive me, i'm an asshole fo sho. I shouldn't be sending hateful messages, sorry dude & that's the truth
If this all strikes you as a colossal waste of time, it is. But it illustrates one of the side effects of athletes like Marty B tweeting all the time. People are going to open up fake accounts and portray themselves as teammates or whoever else and try and stir things up with them, like an online bar fight. As a result, you end up having Marty B calling someone an a—hole in a public forum. And you have people asking whether or not the fake Roy Williams was the ACTUAL Roy Williams, which only adds to the confusion, creating this gigantic pile of confused misinformation, which the League almost certainly can’t abide by.
So Marty B, if you’re out there, please tweet more carefully. Or else the fun police are gonna shut you down. And then the world would be a much poorer place.