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Weekend Watch List: FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL!

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Weekend Watch List: FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL!

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Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and make seven-layer dip. Hey, why is there a layer of raspberry jam in here? That doesn’t go with anything else! LET’S GO!

NFL CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS – 3:00PM Sunday (FOX & CBS) Find a very soft couch and your very finest case of Mountain Crest Light, for Sunday represents the last day of multiple NFL games you may see for a very long time if the owners end up locking out the players this spring (BOOOOOOOOO). Your first title game is the NFC Championship between the Packers and Bears at 3PM on FOX. Then, when that game is over, turn to the AFC title game between the Jets and Steelers at 6:30PM on CBS. By the end of the evening, you’ll know precisely who will playing in the Super Bowl two weeks from now. You’ll also probably owe your bookie $7,000. Not really fair, but no one asked you to take the over. ANTICIPATION: HIGH!

THE ONION NEWS NETWORK – 10:00PM Tonight (IFC) After underwhelming with SportsDome over at Comedy Central, the Onion launches a second TV venture with the folks at IFC. This one’s a more general news show that lampoons the hysterics of cable news networks like FOX and CNN. I had a couple of problems with SportsDome. The first was that the jokes were delivered poorly. The actors read the jokes as fast as possible and they barely had time to register. The other problem, again, is that the Onion is giving you news anchors who are just as faceless and generic as the news they lampoon. That’s the point, of course. But when it comes to comedy, it usually works better on TV when you know there’s an actual person behind the façade. We’ll see if ONN represents an improvement. Be on the lookout for “Portlandia,” a new sketch show from Fred Armisen, airing right after. ANTICIPATION: AREA LAUGHS!

SPARTACUS: GODS OF THE ARENA – 10:00PM Tonight (Starz!) This spinoff of the original “Spartacus” series was launched when “Spartacus” star Andy Whitfield was diagnosed with cancer and couldn’t shoot a second season. Since that time, Starz has had to remove Whitfield from the regular series anyway due to the illness, which is hugely unfortunate. Once this miniseries runs its course, the regular show will be back with a new lead in the title role. Let’s hope both the new show and Whitfield’s replacement do the actor justice. ANTICIPATION: SWORDS AND STUFF!

KOURTNEY AND KIM TAKE NEW YORK – 10:00PM Sunday (E!) But how will Kim’s butt fit in the livery cab? ANTICIPATION: SHALLOW!

MEAN GIRLS 2 – 8:00PM Sunday (ABC Family) This TV movie sequel does not include A) Lindsay Lohan, B) Tiny Fey acting, C) Tina Fey writing, or D) Rachel McAdams. But it does still have Tim Meadows. Oh goody. So why is it tagged as a sequel to a movie it has no real relation to? Because it rips off the plot, silly! ANTICIPATION: LOW!

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