Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and clean out the hot tub. Hey, whose hair is this? It’s like someone emptied a curling brush directly into the filter! LET’S GO!
OREGON VS. AUBURN – 8:30PM (ESPN) It’s the college football national title game this evening, as Cam Newton and Auburn take on the Oregon Ducks, who are in the title game for the very first time. For their part, Auburn hasn’t won a national title since 1957 (their only title), so either way you’re getting some relatively new blood at the top of the sport, until a month from now when the NCAA strips Auburn of all their wins from this season. I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that I believe this is the first time that the national title game of college football was NOT played on network television. So if you don’t have cable, you’re out of luck when it comes to football enjoyment this evening. Now, I know that sounds irrelevant. Everyone has cable, right? Well, by some estimates, nearly 25% of American homes actually don’t. Not everyone can afford FiOs, you know. Which means a great deal of people are getting shut out this evening, which is a shame. Why can’t they watch a title game that will eventually be invalidated? ANTICIPATION: HIGH!
THE BACHELOR – 8:00PM (ABC) ABC counters all that manly football with a two-hour “Bachelor” in which Brad takes the girls to a Train concert, pretty much the unmanliest activity I can think of. Then he and the gals shoot a PSA for Blood Donor Month, which is ironic because they don’t allow you to give blood if you just tested positive for herpes simplex 10. ANTICIPATION: TRAIN!
INSIDE THE ACTOR’S STUDIO – 8:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal Network) I feel like this show was tailored specifically for Jim Carrey to be profiled on. No other actor outside of Robin Williams craves fawning adoration quite like Jim Carrey. Plus Lipton will ask him to do all his catchphrases and impressions and Jim will do them and get wild applause and drink it all in like the last glass of Kool Aid he’ll ever receive. He’s the perfect Lipton guest. ANTICIPATION: ALL RIGHTY THEN!
IN THE BEDROOM WITH DR. LAURA BERMAN – 10:00PM (OWN) Oprah’s new network busts out this sex advice show for people looking to get their freak on. It’s a wild improvement over “In The Bedroom with Dr, Laura Schlesinger,” which was harrowing on about 17 different levels. ANTICIPATION: SEXINESS!
HOARDERS –10:00PM (A&E) A man lives with 2,000 rats, who I presume are all experts in the crafting four-star French cuisine. ANTICIPATION: RATS!