Every week during the season, we’ll scout out the Cowboys next opponent. This week, that opponent is the Arizona Cardinals.
The Opponent: The Arizona Cardinals, aka the Buzzsaw. Remember: This game takes place on Christmas Night Saturday. So after you’ve stuffed yourself with ham and broken your new iPad within hours of opening it, there’s this game to watch as well. Have you not been subjected to Theismann and Millen yet this year? Oh, you’re in for a holiday treat.
Record: 4-10. Last in the NFC West. And believe me when I say you have to work very hard to be considered the worst team in that particular division.
The Line: Cowboys by 6.5. The dreaded road favorite tag. It would be much more ominous if this wasn’t Arizona we were talking about.
Last Game: A 19-12 loss to Carolina that you didn’t see and that League headquarters has already burned the game tapes of. If Jimmy Clausen beats you, you know your season has gone downhill. I was personally shocked to see Carolina win a game, given how thoroughly they quit on this season.
The Coach: Ken Whisenhunt. Whisenhunt gets a one-year grace period this year after losing Kurt Warner to retirement. But if the Cards pull this again next year, expect fans in Arizona to start demanding his head. If the Cardinals had any actual fans, that is. BURRNNNNN.
The Offense: So very bad. The immortal John Skelton is your starter this week, and he follows in the footsteps of Max Hall, Derek Anderson, a mechanical bunny, and any other quarterbacking detritus that Whis found in his office couch after cutting Matty Leinart. None of these QB’s will be back in Arizona next year. Except the bunny. He seems to have potential. If Dallas’ D fails to limit this offense to under 20 points, then it really may be busted beyond repair. It’s not out of the realm of possibility. Terence Newman defending Larry Fitzgerald is a most unwelcome sight indeed.
The Defense: No more Karlos Dansby. No more Antrel Rolle. Darnell Dockett and Adrian Wilson are the only remaining stalwarts left from this team’s Super Bowl run. Surrounding them are nine rolls of wet Brawny paper towels.
Key Matchup: Fitzgerald vs. Newman. No matter who’s at QB for Arizona, they can probably get Fitz the ball if he’s wide open. So put big money on the bunny in your fantasy league this week.