Every Friday, we’ll tackle five big questions for the Cowboys going into the weekend’s game.
1. What’s with the money line moving four points this week? At the beginning of the week, the Vegas line favored Dallas by two points over the Bucs (2 1/2 depending on where you looked). Now the Cowboys are favored by a full six points on the road against a team that barely missed the playoffs last year. Everyone’s betting on the Cowboys to easily handle the Bucs, and that makes sense because…
2. How much does the quiet Cowboys preseason help? Part of the reason the Cowboys are expected to handle their business in Tampa is because of the contrast in stability they present with the Bucs. The Bucs have a new coach, a new (glacially slow) QB, and they’re in disarray from canning their offensive coordinator just a week ago. The Cowboys, on the other hand, have been the picture of stability all preseason. Everyone holding hands and picking wildflowers and such and such. The coach and QB are the same, and there’s been no sudden overhaul at one position on the roster or the staff. The Bucs, potentially, could be fumbling around at the beginning of the game, trying to get their house in order. Who’s relaying plays to the QB? Where are the headsets? Why isn’t coach Morris wearing pants? Things like that. The Cowboys are in no such danger, and that’s why you’re seeing so many people banking on them to win.
3. What happens if they lose? Chaos. Disorder. A black hole forming at the core of the earth, sucking us all in and crushing us down to the size of a snow pea. If the Cowboys drop this game, next week’s home opener against the hated Giants takes on even greater urgency. Every loss shrinks your margin for error for the rest of the year. And given how this team finished last year, it’s not a good sign if they’re letting down in September already. They can’t lose. Well, I mean, they can. But they CAN’T, or else everyone will die.
4. Omigod, I’m so excited for the game, and I have to wait two more freakin’ days? What do I do? Calm down. Relax. Breathe. I read something in People magazine the other day about people going to Mexico to be put in voluntary induced comas. So you could try that. Or you could do the same thing at home with a couple bottles of Beefeater. That’s how I like to bring on a good blackout. Until then, I suggest saving your energy. Maybe take in a flick. Oooh! Love Happens! That looks cute! What’s that? It doesn’t open until NEXT week? WHY MUST YOU PUT ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN LIFE JUST OUT OF MY REACH, GOD?!
5. What sort of drinking game can I play for this matchup? I suggest going with a themed drinking game for each Cowboys matchup. Since it’s the Bucs, let’s do rum this week. And be sure to talk like a pirate. “Tony Romo is ARRRRguably the best QB in the NFC!” Stuff like that. I suggest drinking any time Siragusa says something useless, any time Raheem Morris is compared to Mike Tomlin, AND any time the new Cowboys Stadium is mentioned. You’ll pull a Leaving Las Vegas by the half.
