Terrell Owens, edicts we are certain to violate
A Request To Suspend All Future TO Mentions
When you tune into Sunday Night’s Cowboys-Giants game, you will no doubt hear about how the Cowboys are attempting to make up for losing Terrell Owens at wideout. This was a valid question if you posed it a week ago. Yes, the team got rid of Owens on purpose. But there was no denying that despite the dropped passes, and the accidental suicide attempts, the clandestine complaints to Ed Werder about Jason Witten, and the very large sunglasses that may have been loaned out from the estate of Kanye West, Terrell Owens was sometimes mildly occasionally productive for the Cowboys. He did score at least 10 TD’s each year he was here. And he also… um… well anyway, he did that. So it made some sense to ask if the Cowboys had done enough during the offseason to replace TO’s presence in this offense.
It no longer makes any sense to do this.
As you could tell from Sunday’s game, the Cowboys do not miss TO. They aggressively do not miss him. They have not only forgotten he existed, but they are also mentally able to deflect hearing any questions that would serve to remind them of his existence, which they deny. The Cowboys do miss TO much in the manner that I do not miss taking blue book exams in college, or hustling street corners for money when I was 17.
From now on, the only reason media people will ask if the Cowboys miss TO is because THEY miss TO. They don’t want to know if the Cowboys can make up for what he did on the field. Roy Williams, Martellus Bennett, and Miles Austin answered that quite definitively three days ago. No, no, what they’re really asking is if the Cowboys can make up for TO’s media whoring and general idiocy. They would like to now who will fill the enormous empty space where media people used to talk about TO, but now cannot talk about TO unless they keep asking about TO. That’s what they’re really talking about when they ask about TO. Because the idea that Dallas still misses TO dropping a pass in the end zone, and then complaining when the Cowboys don’t give him a chance to drop said end zone pass a second time, is officially dead.
So please, Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth: spare us from the TO talk. Owens is in Buffalo now, consigned to football oblivion, destined to pass the days watching Trent Edwards not throw him the ball, and seeing his team fumble kickoffs at exactly the wrong time. He is gone and forgotten. Please be sure to treat him thusly.
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