Shows Not Even Heather Locklear Could Save

If she can't do it, no one can

Endless observations have been made over the years regarding Heather Locklear's impressive show-saving abilities, and much of that is based on some very compelling evidence. She revived "Dynasty," she elevated "Melrose Place" from fairly entertaining trash to deliciously addictive guilty pleasure, she swooped into "Spin City" to lighten the ailing Michael J. Fox's workload halfway through the series and boosted ratings for a bit, and now she's returning to Melrose tonight in an attempt to save that train wreck as well. She's obviously doing this out of some sense of show-saving duty, not unlike the Spider-Man of primetime soaps, but her inability to save a disaster is not unprecedented. Let's look back at the Melrose reboot-sized flops even Heather Locklear couldn't rescue.

Heather: "This is my tarmac!" Blair Underwood: "No! This is my tarmac!" Put that on a loop for 11 hours and you've got the entire series. Heather Locklear and Blair Underwood may be two of the most compelling people alive, but nobody wants a drama about airports, let alone a terribly written drama about airports.

Going Places
A show about four television writers in Los Angeles (Locklear, Cameron from Ferris Bueller, and two other ones), Going Places underwent a major plot overhaul halfway through its lone season in an attempt to gain viewers, an effort which was fruitless, as the show didn't live past 22 episodes.

Spin City
This one's tricky, because she actually did save the show for a quick minute when she joined in Season 4, but after Michael J. Fox left and Charlie Sheen replaced him, the show never recovered, not even with Heather in tow until the bitter end.

Boston Legal
Bill Shatner and Heather Locklear together again! It'll be just like "TJ Hooker," but in suits! This one is less about ratings, as we all are well aware "Boston Legal" was a ratings success for its entire run for some reason, but creatively, Locklear's episodes could have starred Tori Spelling and they'd have been equally not at all compelling.

Rules of Engagement
I'm not even going to pretend I saw her episodes, or that they got bad ratings (they got the same inexplicably high ratings the show always gets, no more, no less) but I do know that not even Heather Locklear could generate any buzz whatsoever for this silent killer of a show outside the likes of Extra behind-the-scenes footage. Seriously, who are you people secretly watching this David Spade sitcom in mass quantities?

Women of a Certain Age
An ABC pilot that went nowhere, "Women of a Certain Age" was sort of like "Men of a Certain Age," but instead of Scott Bakula and Ray Romano, there was Heather Locklear and Peri Gilpin. Don't know what was wrong with it, but ABC wanted no part in the finished product, despite the presence of the world's most widely acknowledged show-saver.

See Jayne Run
Another failed pilot, this time about a working mother who has to deal with men and how they aren't women like her. Surprisingly, nobody wanted this one either.

See? The return of Amanda Woodward is indeed very exciting, but the woman's not a damn magician. Expect a ratings boost for one episode and the show to be canceled in May anyway, right on schedule.

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