Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and prepare to take your kids to the amusement park. I hope you brought plenty of bottled water and Purell. LET’S GO!
KARAOKE BATTLE USA – 9:00PM Tonight (ABC) Everyone who hates "American Idol" derides it as a glorified karaoke contest, but here now is an ACTUAL glorified karaoke contest, in which aspiring karaokers compete to win money and stuff. Your host is former N*Sync member Joey Fatone, who probably is counting the days until Justin Timberlake gets really drunk and thinks it's a good idea to reunite the group as a goof. Your judges include Carnie Wilson--you never know what sized Carnie Wilson you're going to get at any given time. I'm glad this show finally exists. Here I've spent all this time getting my karaoke fix from watching Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis in "Duets". ANTICIPATION: FAKE STARS!
HONEYMOON FOR ONE – 9:00PM Saturday (Hallmark) The fetching Nicollette Sheridan returns to TV, after being unceremoniously dumped from "Desperate Housewives," this time as a lady who kicks her jerky fiance to the curb and goes on an Irish vacation. There's self-discovery to be had in all that Guinness. ANTICIPATION: EAT PRAY KNOCKOFF!
i.am.FIRST: SCIENCE IS ROCK AND ROLL – 7:00PM Sunday (ABC) TV people aren't good at naming specials anymore. This is a robotics competition that features music from the Black Eyed Peas and Willow Smith (which makes sense, since no sentient being enjoys the music of either artist). So why wouldn't you call it "RobotFest 2011 with the Peas," or something that clearly tells you what you're about to be subjected to? Why play off of will.i.am's name, which is the dumbest handle in hip hop? I want answers! ANTICIPATION: DO THE ROBOT!
DOOMSDAY PROPHECY – 9:00PM Saturday (SyFy - an NBC/Universal network) It's another Saturday night Z-movie on SyFy, this one presumably featuring someone making a prophecy about a doomsday, and then that doomsday coming to pass. The title is almost always the full summary of the plot, which is helpful! ANTICIPATION: BRING A DATE!
BEHIND THE MUSIC: RICKY MARTIN – 10:00PM Sunday (VH1) Remember when Ricky Martin was popular? By gar, it's been a while. ANTICIPATION: LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA... AREN'T YOU GLAD IT'S IN YOUR HEAD NOW?