So you’ve heard all you need to hear about the new Cowboys Stadium. You know about the video board. You know about the Party Passes. You know about the $60 pizzas. You know about all the glass and natural light and what not. You know it represents a new generation of luxury stadia and that, perhaps, we should reset the Roman calendar to reflect the Anno Jerryworld period. You know all that. But none of that answers the REAL question you have about Cowboys Stadium, which is: Has anyone managed to have sex in the bathroom there yet?
And the answer to that question, gang, is a resounding YES.
Last night, my colleagues at Deadspin (no link, as the video features people apparently having sex) unearthed a video taken by a San Marcos photographer named Elliot Boney (Elliot Boney? Elliot Boney.) that claims to show a couple in matching Michael Irvin jerseys proudly demonstrating their enthusiasm for the new stadium on the bathroom floor.
My friend, who was at the game, said many Cowboys fans were startled by the odd noises coming from the Hall of Fame box level bathroom stall, where a couple clad in Michael Irvin jerseys were "totally b--ging" at the end of the 4th quarter when the Cowboys had pretty much wrapped it up. The commotion soon became very, very public and many fans equipped with cellphone cameras ran into the stall to snap pictures. Luckily, our guy had video and stuck his hand over the stall like a true professional….
After the couple was finished… the two people walked out from the bathroom and were greeted by raucous applause. One onlooker yelled "See you on YouTube!" and the happy man graciously replied, "Bring it on!"
Boney showed up in the comments of the Deadspin post to add a little extra flair to the tale, and you can see a kinda-safe-for-work still image he took here. Even with his additional commentary, the incident brings up many nagging questions:
-Are we certain they’re having sex? Flozell Adams may have simply tripped the man, causing him to fall onto the woman.
-Why aren’t the stadium cage dancers encircling the couple?
-Do we get free green beans fries if the man’s butt hits the video board?
-Since they’re in Irvin jerseys, shouldn’t they be doing it on a plane?
-Does Emmitt Smith refer to what they’re doing as Fortification?
-Does the media know this sex is taking place in Arlington, and not Dallas?
It’s impossible to know. But I think it’s fair to say that, above all else, THIS video is the first official historic moment for Jerry’s new massive erection.