Sunday’s game between the Cowboys and Vikings will be the first time Dallas has faced Minnesota this year. And if you Cowboys fans out there have stuck mainly to watching your own team during the course of the season, you may not be aware of the endless, grating, relentless gushing over Favre done by announcers this season.
You have been spared. You’ve been able to avoid hearing about how much fun Favre is having out there, and how Brett Favre looks like Brett Favre again, and how he brings a sense of fun and joy to all those he touches. If you haven’t experienced it yet this year, consider this your warning. You may think you’re prepared for the Favre love from watching him in years past. You are not. This is a whole, heretofore undiscovered level of sycophancy you will be dealing with. Please prepare yourself for the following things to occur:
1. Everyone else on the field being ignored. When Favre plays games this year, he is the only entity out there on the field. You will hear his name 7,000 times more than that of any other player.
2. Other players discussed only as context to Favre. You will hear Tony Romo’s name on Sunday, but it will be used in tandem with Favre’s name to illustrate the high gunslingerness of the day’s contest. BOTH THESE GUYS LOVE TO LET IT FLY! THEY HAVE SWAGGER! IT’S HIIIIIGH NOON!
3. Rehashing of the “How Brett came to the Vikings” story. Heard it before? Well, prepare to hear it again! In case you’re one of the zero people who are watching this game and are thinking to yourself, “Whoa hey, Brett Favre a VIKING?! How did that occur?” Congrats. FOX is ready to tailor their telecast specifically to you.
4. Shot of Favre jumping up and down after throwing a TD pass. Other players may be happy to score, but look at Brett! He’s so joyous! So exuberant! I’ve rediscovered the innocence of childhood merely by looking at him!
5. Shots of Deanna Favre staring out of a luxury box, hand on chin. SHE’S HIS WIFE!
6. Shots of Brett on the sidelines, exhorting his teammates to, like, do stuff. Look at him! He’s looking at play printouts! And talking to Adrian Peterson! HE’S HARDCORE!
That’s merely the tip of the iceberg. You Cowboys fans are in a unique position in your history this week. For once, most of America won’t be rooting for you to fail. All they want is to see the Favre train make its final stop. We’ll see if Romo and company are up to the task.