Name: Bobby Petrino.
Career Record: 3-10
Credentials: Uhhh, in terms of professional football? Yes well, it’s kind of a funny story. Because Petrino was hired by the Falcons in 2007, then left the team after 14 weeks and a 3-10 record to go be the coach at Arkansas. He informed none of his assistants of his departure, and the way most of them found out about the move was when they saw Petrino at an Arkansas press conference doing that whole WOOO PIG SOOEY chant that counts as catchy only if you live in Arkansas. So that was… like, bad. He may as well have urinated in his office before leaving.
At the college level, Petrino won nine plus games all four years he was the head coach at Louisville. Since arriving at Arkansas, Petrino has a pedestrian 17-14 record, but did lead Arkansas into the top ten this year. Before they were immediately then knocked out again by Auburn.
So he’s an okay college coach with a reputation for having a decent offensive mind. And Lord knows that translated well to pro football, AM I RIGHT? Anyway, the only reason Petrino would be considered for this job, of course, is because he’s a Jerry Jones guy, coaching Jerry Jones’ school. Jones helped engineer Petrino’s departure from the Falcons on behalf of his alma mater, so you can rightly assume that the Double J thinks highly of him, even if no one else does. And hey, the last time Jerry hired a sleazy college coach, it went so well!
Weaknesses: Well, he’s a scumbag. And nothing about his history suggests that he’ll be anything more than what he was with the Falcons. To be fair to Petrino, he wasn’t exactly expecting Michael Vick to be thrown in jail for dogfighting immediately after he took the job. All that said, he’s still a quitter and a loser. Hiring Petrino also means the Cowboys might have their sights set on drafting Ryan Mallett. I’ve seen Ryan Mallett play. The idea of him replacing Tony Romo is a remarkably bad one. You like Romo’s game-changing picks? Mallett can totally do that, too!
Odds Of Being Named The Next Cowboys Coach: 60/1. I would think that the Double J would never be dumb enough to hire someone like Petrino. Then again, he was dumb enough to hire Wade. And Barry Switzer. No reason he can’t screw it all up a third time by bringing in yet another gutless crony. After all, who else is going to take this job? What reasonable coach is going to want to work under Jones’ thumb? Bill Cowher? I somehow doubt it. There’s almost no place else for Jones to turn. And that’s a terrifying thought. To think you’ve endured years of Wade’s stupidity, only to be rewarded with THIS. I doubt it’ll happen. But you better pray it doesn’t.
Do You Want Him?: I’m guessing not. If you do, you better have yourself a good explanation. Let us know in the comments.
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