If Punt Hits JerryVision, Free Beans For All

As we get ready for the grand opening of Cowboys Stadium on Sunday Night, the specter of Videoboard-puntergate once again threatens to rear its ugly head. As you know, the NFL decided to not raise the Cowboys' board after it was hit in an exhibition game. Thus, owner Jerry Jones' HDTVosaur remains in the crosshairs of the occasional overly-ambitious punter. And one restaurant chain has decided to take advantage.

That’s right, gang. TGI Friday’s is now offering FREE green bean fries to customers in any of its 600 nationwide restaurants if a punt hits the Cowboys video board during Sunday Night’s game. One wonders if Wade Phillips will command Mat McBriar to hit the board intentionally as a result. Let’s go to the menu description: 

These snappy green beans are breaded and deep fried to a golden brown crust. Served with our cucumber-wasabi ranch dip – cool, creamy, and just a touch spicy!

Mmmmm… wasabi ranch. So wrong, it’s still wrong. Anyway, I applaud Friday’s efforts to capitalize on the video board controversy, and their efforts to turn any otherwise healthy vegetable into an appetizer that will brutalize your circulatory system. I assume green bean fries are a mere precursor to their sweet potato boneless buffalo wings, their bacon-wrapped Caesar salad, and their Butterfinger-stuffed snow peas. Now, any promo like this has its conditions, and here they are. 

There are green-bean limits: one order per person, only at the bar and valid for only the first time the punt hits the video board during the game.

But I argue that Friday’s shouldn’t stop there. I’ve whipped up a couple extra in-game promotions that the chain should consider.

-FREE Cheddar Bacon BBQ Sliders if a punt hits Jerry Jones in the chest

-FREE Tuscan Spin Dip if the stadium crashes into an iceberg during the game

-FREE Prime Rib Stroganoff if Jessica Simpson shows up on the field looking for her dog

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-FREE Cedar-Seared Salmon Pasta if Fernando Botero storms the stadium, demanding to know why his sculpture of Nate Newton wasn’t displayed in the main foyer.

Jones still argues that punters won’t hit the board, unless they’re big jerks with jerky faces trying to hit it. America’s got a basket of free apps coming their way if he’s wrong.

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