Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV this weekend that may be worth staying home and tending to your allergies for. Why did God have to make spring so pretty but so horribly PAINFUL to my sinus cavities? Oh, the cruelty. LET’S GO!
NCAA TOURNAMENT – All weekend long (CBS)
It’s the weekend, and my Final Four is still alive, baby! WOOHOO! I think it’s safe for me to put that deposit down on a jet ski now. HOW CAN I LOSE? Also, please note the tourney is back with a vengeance this year. Friday's games were awesome, and this weekend's slate is just as promising. We even have Gus Johnson in the house. STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! WOW!!!!111!!!!!!! ANTICIPATION: YELLING!
UNCLE BUCK – 7:00PM Saturday (VH1)
“A situation may come up say for example, someone has been drinking, and about to drive a loved one home, then I'd like to know I have my knife. Not to kill, no. Just to maim. Take a little off the shoulder. Swish! The elbow. Slash! Shave a little meat off the old kneecap. Fowap! Ooooo! You got both kneecaps? I like to keep mine razor sharp. Sharp enough you can shave with it. Why I've been known to circumcise a gnat. You're not a gnat are you, Bug? Wait a minute, bug, gnat. Is there a little similarity? Whoa, I think there is! Ha ha ha. You understand what I'm talking about? I don't think you do. I'll be right back. Heh heh heh heh.” ANTICIPATION: HAS MUCH MORE NOSE HAIR THAN YOUR DAD
MINUTE TO WIN IT – 8:00PM Sunday (NBC)
That guy with frosted tips from Food Network hosts this show where contestants have 60 seconds to do various tasks, like stacking things, or doing a Rubik’s Cube, or explaining the health care bill to me. Every round is a lightning round! ANTICIPATION: FAST!
JAMIE’S FOOD REVOLUTION – 10:00PM Sunday (ABC)
British chef Jamie Oliver tries to get the fat people of Huntington, WV, to stop being so fat. This from a guy who wraps everything in pancetta. I love Jamie Oliver. I really do. I loved his old cooking shows, and I kinda wish he’d do that again, instead of trying to convince a bunch of hillbillies to lose weight when you know darn well they won’t listen. YOU’LL TAKE THAT SAUSAGE BISCUIT FROM THEIR COLD, DEAD, VERY CHUBBY FINGERS, BRITISH GUY! But yeah, I will totally watch this anyway. ANTICIPATION: TEARS, PANCETTA
We know what you're thinking -- You just told us to watch the doughy British guy berate the hillbillies! Listen, folks, just fire up the DVR, situations like this are exactly why Jesus invented them. ANTICIPATION: WATCHING IT AT 7PM ON MONDAY BECAUSE 11PM ON A SUNDAY IS JUST TOO LATE, GOSH DARN IT