Jerry Jones--owner, general manager, oil tycoon, resident Mr. Burns--turns 67 Tuesday, and we at Blue Star would like to wish him a sincere feliz cumpleanos. But what do you get the man who has everything?
The world's largest flat-screen television? Check. An original piece by world-renowned installation artist Olafur Eliasson? Check. The largest domed structure in the world? Check.
Jean-Jacques Taylor suggested today in the Dallas Morning News that he would "give him Bill Cowher as a head coach and a contract that gives the coach final say over football operations."
This is a great gift idea, but Jerry would never take it, no matter how thoughtful it was; this would be like giving Kanye West a book on humility and/or etiquette, which would be a large step toward the greater good, if Kanye would ever read it.
But he wouldn't; there's even less of a chance that Jerry would surrender power--especially not on National Jerry Jones Day (that's what they call it over at the Jones Estate)--to any degree. Jerry proved this last year, by spending his 66th birthday jockeying for a trade that would send Roy Williams from Detroit to Dallas in exchange for three draft picks.
The deal was done on the 14th, and still has the potential to be a pretty memorable bust.
The most pertinent move, it seems, would be to give Jerry a simple, friendly admonishment: No birthday trades, this year, please.
Either that or a Bennigan's gift card, I'm not sure which.