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Coyotes Snatch Jessica’s Dog. Tony Unhexed?

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Before this season, Jessica Simpson hired a real witch (she weighed the same as a duck) to place a hex on both Tony Romo and the Cowboys season. But that hex looks have had a negligible effect. The Cowboys beat the Bucs convincingly on Sunday and Romo’s ankle MRI came up negative. So far, things are looking quite blessed on Cowboyland.

    In fact, Simpson’s hex may have ended up working against her. Because last night, Romo’s ex-girlfriend tweeted that a coyote stole her dog right in front of her. And that is just about the saddest thing I’ve ever heard ever.

    My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searchi...

    The post cuts off right there, no doubt because having your dog stolen by a feral animal right before your eyes might preoccupy you a bit. Simpson posted a picture of her missing dog here. You probably shouldn’t click that link if you’re an emotionally sensitive person, because it may cause you to OH MY GOD SHE IS THE CUTEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN! SHE’S JUST LIKE A PLUSH TOY! WHAT KIND OF MONSTROUS ANIMAL WOULD DO THAT TO A LITTLE DOG?! THIS IS LIKE THE END OF MARLEY AND ME TIMES A HUNDRED.

    The photo includes this caption: “I miss my mommy.” Then it has this cute little pawprint…

    /dabs away tears

    I’m sorry. I just can’t…

    /thinks of childhood dog

    /has nervous breakdown

    Anyway, if you’ve seen Simpson’s dog, you can email her at findingmissdaisy@gmail.com (my God, even the dog’s rescue hotline name is cute). Daisy is a Malti-poo, which means she’s both adorable AND hypoallergenic. Let’s hope Jessica gets her little doggie back safe and sound, and then we can forget about this whole double hexing business and restore the world’s juju to its proper order. If I see that coyote on the street, I’mma kick him in the kidneys and advise the Eagles not to sign him.