The No. 1 way for introverts to gain influence at work, says Stanford expert: It's the ‘only way' to stay relevant

The workplace can feel like a communication minefield — especially if you're introverted.

But there's good news: You can get noticed without attending every social event, says Stanford University lecturer and communication expert Matt Abrahams.

The key is intentionally engaging specific people around you — your "audience," as Abrahams calls them. In the office, for example, your audience may be your peers, bosses or even clients.

"The biggest mistake people make in their communication is they don't focus on the needs of the audience," Abrahams tells CNBC Make It. "Attention is the most precious commodity we have in the world today. If I'm not tailoring my message to you, you're not going to pay attention to it."

You have three basic methods at your disposal for figuring out what's important to your audience, he notes: reconnaissance, reflection and research.

"That's the only way to make [your work] relevant," says Abrahams. "You need to know your audience. You have to talk to them, listen to them, observe them ... You have to learn what's important to people, then tailor your message to them."

Reconnaissance

You might also refer to "reconnaissance" as exploration or observation: Think critically about the way your colleagues interact with each other. Then, mirror their communication styles back to them, both in content and delivery, Abrahams recommends.

If someone's water-cooler conversations center around work, approach them with clear, concise and formal language. If they often chat about books, television shows or pets, lead with a common interest.

Don't force it, he adds — you still have to sound like yourself. "You have to understand their goals, their KPIs," says Abrahams.

You can buy yourself more opportunities for reconnaissance by asking to take on simple tasks that place you in rooms with decision-makers at your company. You could find a "leverage point" by volunteering to take notes in a meeting you wouldn't otherwise have access to, for example.

"All of a sudden the role you have — a mundane role that many people don't like — gives you access and influence," Abrahams told Make It last month.

Research

You can learn about influence outside the workplace too, Abrahams says. Notice how your favorite podcaster keeps you entertained. Think about why your favorite TED Talk interests you.

You might spot some patterns. Using "inclusive language," like the words "us," "we" and the other person's first name helps your audience stay focused, research shows. When you're making recommendations, present tense — "I like this book" or "that restaurant has delicious food" — is more persuasive than past tense, other studies find.

You can even ask your favorite artificial intelligence chatbot for inspiration, as long as you take its answers with a grain of salt. Try a prompt like: "'I'm running a meeting on this topic ... What are some questions I could ask [my audience] to keep them engaged?'" Abrahams suggests.

"Questions, by their very nature, get people involved," he adds.

Reflection

Abrahams says his recommendations don't need to go in a particular order — but it's useful to reflect on your interactions, and how effective they are, as often as possible. 

"Reflection can help you focus and prioritize where you should start," he says. "At the end, you should also take a moment to think, 'What was most helpful?'"

Reflection can help you learn from mistakes: If your audience didn't respond well to your approach, take some time to figure out why and try again. Most introverts don't need prompting on this front, notes Abrahams.

"Extroverts tend to speak before they think. Introverts are the opposite," he says. "Introverts tend to have higher EQ in that they observe more and ... are prone to reflect."

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