Congratulations on surviving what most experts* describe as the most harrowing workweek of the year; namely, the first week back after the holidays. After such a long week, our bones are certainly creaky, but our fingers are still fleet! Here's hoping your eyes can follow along as we recap the first full week of 2009.
Congratulations are due to Anne Hathaway, who won everything from a Golden Globe to the adulation of the New York Times this week. Meanwhile, Wall-E's EVE and Kate Winslet sat on the sidelines steaming, along with everyone who landed on the Vulture's Critics' Poll of the Worst Movies of 2008 and the Razzies short list.
We found ourselves mildly excited at the prospects of seeing quality television in January, including the return of The Electric Company.
Benicio del Toro got a little huffy with us, and Josh Brolin wanted to go gay with Sean Penn.
In body-related news, Zac Efron put his balls on your tongue, and David Fincher threatened to put cigarettes out in his eyes.
We sorted through who knows how many tons of twisted steel to deliver you the Ten Greatest Movie Car Crashes.
The next Harry Potter got a PG-rating, and Seven Pounds got a new poster.
U.S. & World
Mickey Rourke, Tayor Lautner, Charity Wakefield, Nick Frost, and Simon Pegg each started the New Year off right by landing some choice roles.
Even though we weren't exactly sure if anyone cared, we watched the People's Choice Awards anyway and ended up learning a line of poetry that everyone else in America apparently already knew: "Not even the rain has such small hands." Or, more accurately, such large lips.
*Unfortunately, we don't know any experts, so we just made this up. Don't hold it against us. Laters!
