“Ours Is Bigger” T-Shirt Likely Means Yours Is Smaller

There are a lot of reasons to brag about being a Cowboys fan. The team has won five Super Bowls. That’s a pretty solid thing to boast about. And despite falling to third in merchandise sales, the Cowboys remain one of the league’s top draws, so the team’s inherent popularity is a nice card to pull out in any bar-sanctioned p---ing match. And the Cowboys still have more Hall of Famers who have stabbed people in the neck with scissors than any other franchise. Nice.

But stadium size and expense?

Yes, for people who enjoy bragging about large municipal edifices comes the OURS IS BIGGER T-shirt. It’s available right now at the NFL Shop, and easily ranks among one of the lamest league-approved pieces of merchandise that I have ever seen. Yes, the stadium is nice. Yes, Arlington residents helped pay for it, so they deserve to take some pride in its construction. But really, anyone who buys this T-shirt and wears it in a sincere attempt to intimidate fans of teams with smaller, marble-free stadiums deserves nothing but your unbridled scorn.

If you see a fellow Cowboy fan wearing this shirt at the stadium this evening, kindly ball up your fist and launch a well-placed jab right at their nether regions. You’ll be working with a small target area, but the element of surprise should help you reach your objective with relative ease. Anyone who wears this shirt does other Cowboy fans a huge disservice. What other T-shirt could possibly demonstrate pure obnoxiousness quite like this one? If you’re bragging about stadium size, that means you have nothing better to brag about, and that speaks volumes. Why not go all the way and get a Fathead of the stadium to stick on your bedroom wall?

Don’t buy this shirt. You’ll merely being reinforcing every bad stereotype about Dallas fans. Also, you’ll look like a tool. A BIG tool.

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