Let's imagine how the scene might have played out: While Damian Alexander of Cordova, Md., (not pictured) was watching his beloved Cowboys go down to the Eagles in humiliating fashion during Week 17, his mind was likely coming apart. With each Eagles score, rational thought and perspective were flying further and further away from him. By the time Joselio Hanson took Marion Barber's fumble 96 yards in the third quarter, he was so blind with rage that he could access only a single memory from his brain.
Strangely, it was from the scene from "The Untouchables" that features Sean Connery advising Kevin Costner on how you fight the mob in Chicago. It worked for Costner and it worked for Alexander when he was met with some taunting from Eagles fans later on in the evening:
Prosecutors say Alexander had arranged for a fist fight with a man in the vehicle but brought a gun instead.
How did things get here? Text messages and phone calls flew back and forth until things got so heated that Alexander put on his Don King wig and arranged a fist fight. Alexander, like any good coach on a football Sunday, had a few tricks up his sleeve though. They were expecting a smashmouth attack, so he sprang the shotgun offense on 'em.
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Authorities say Alexander fired between two and five rounds from a shotgun at an SUV that was driving away from his home on the evening of Dec. 28. Two people were wounded.
Alexander was convicted of first- and second-degree assault and reckless endangerment on Wednesday, but he did skate on a more serious charge of attempted murder. Alexander had no comment for the Associated Press, sadly, nor has any enterprising publisher pounced on the opportunity to turn the offending text messages into a best seller. You can have your Updike, I'll take the collected texts of Alexander any day.