Tony Romo's Security Guards To Jessica: GO AWAY

With training camp right around the corner, the very lazy Tony Romo is taking the necessary proactive steps to block out any possible distractions. And by “distractions,” I mean, “kooky ex-girlfriends who might show up on his doorstep one night, ready to kill him, or perhaps ready to have smoking hot makeup sex with him that he’ll instantly regret.”

This story comes to Blue Star via Us Magazine, which my wife always used to refer as “U.S. Weekly.” Perhaps she and Romo’s ex are secretly related.

The new issue of Us Weekly, on stands now, reports the Dallas Cowboys quarterback instructed security to keep Simpson out of his gated community. A sign at the entrance reads: "RED ALERT!!! TONY ROMO HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO HIS LIST OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN....JESSICA IS NO LONGER ON THE LIST AND NOT APPROVED FOR ACCESS.

If you’ve ever had an ex-girlfriend, you know full well that no man specifically instructs his security guards to keep the ex out (in all caps, no less) unless there has been some sort of prior, extremely unwelcome “pop-in”. I could just picture Jessica showing up on Tony’s doorstep at 3AM the night before, having had a twelve pack of Bud Light Lime, reeking of her own dessert-scented lip gloss, demanding Tony take her back and support her as she switches career formats to old standards, ala Rod Stewart. It’s never easy to resist a buxom country chanteuse at that vulnerable moment, which no doubt prompted Romo to issue the RED ALERT to his minions at Del Boca Vista.

Us has more details…

(Simpson didn't exactly want to stick around: The singer paid $19,000 on July 15 to ship 37 boxes worth of her belongings from Dallas to L.A. overnight, a source tells Us.)

No word on if 36 of those boxes contained Jessica’s prized collection of Fruit Roll Ups. But every breakup has two points of view, and Simpson has countered Romo’s rather draconian measures with numerous, context-free updates at her own Twitter site.

Falling asleep with my mom and the dogs. Please lord give all of my beautiful fans, friends, enemies, and family rest. Bring all of us peace

everyone needs to know that hope floats...grab the strings and pull it back to you 

barbie party didn't happen, but i turned 29 and feel like i am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER 

The beat of a heart can make you realize the special rhythm of a person...just listen. 

I like the irregular sends me to another placeXO

So, lest you think Romo is keeping Simpson out of his estate because she’s too clingy or unstable, just know that Simpson is perfectly content as she is, finding solace in the irregular and possibly deadly heartbeats of other people.

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