Hey, you! Yes you, Mr. Everyman! Wanna go to the Cowboys’ luxe new stadium, but just don’t think you can afford it? Well, I’m here to tell you that you are WRONG. Jerry Jones and company have compassion for you peasants out there. That’s why they’re offering tickets to the first home game at the new stadium for the low, low price of $29. Provided that you’re willing to eschew pesky amenities, such as chairs.
Yes, it’s the new Cowboys Stadium “Party Passes”. Wooo! Look at me! I’m being festive via three hours of standing! The tickets are $29 and are on sale now for the team’s first two preseason games and the Sept. 20 opener against the Giants. Jerry Jones tells Bloomberg that he hopes the Party Passes will help the Cowboys set the NFL’s single game attendance record. The team plans on selling 15,000 to 35,000 of them. That’s 35,000 people potentially walking around the new stadium looking for a wall to lean against, or lining up eight deep on the gangways to get a view of the team in action. Jones tells Bloomberg the new digs have more than enough space to accommodate all the hot standing room only action:
With 180,000 square feet (17,000 square meters) of free space, the stadium can accommodate more standing-room-only fans than any other NFL venue. The open areas are behind seats in each end zone and on a series of six elevated platforms connected by stairways.
"More fans can be at the stadium and, although they won’t all have a seat, they will definitely be a part of the action and experience on game day,” Jones said.
I’m not wild about that quote from the Double J. That’s just the sort of thing Michael Bay tells his extras via bullhorn before releasing a jerry-rigged tidal wave on them. “You are part of the magic, people!” One ticket broker has already called BS on Jones’ claims:
That may not be enough, said Hank Wendorf, owner of Dallas-based Ticketsource.com. At a recent soccer game at the Cowboys’ stadium, only the first two or three rows of people had a direct view from the platforms, he said.
“You leave to get a drink and your spot is gone,” Wendorf said. No other NFL team is selling anywhere close to the number of standing seats that the Cowboys are, he said.
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I can see the appeal of plunking down 30 bucks to take a gander at the fancy new stadium and maybe watch a few minutes of the action. But that’s about all the action you’re going to get with these Party Passes.
Keep your expectations low, folks. Buy one, and you are mere stadium filler. You won’t get a good, consistent spot to watch the game, and your feet will die by sometime around the third quarter. And if you’re short, or a child, then you’re screwed. You’re gonna spend a whole lot of time craning your neck, standing on tiptoes, or doing that thing short people do where they try and see stuff through an open slit between two taller, clearly handsomer people such as myself.
Paying the lowest ticket price also likely assures that you won’t be allowed to have access to some of the more loungey parts of the stadium, with the cozy leather chairs and what not. You will be a stadium nomad, trying in vain to have as much fun as someone who paid full price and failing. There’s also the tiny little detail that, if you have no seat, you’re going to spend much more time walking around concessions, and will therefore end up buying more stuff, perhaps spending more money than if you had ponied up for a designated ass-space.
So there you go, $29 for all the krayzee “partying” you can handle. No word yet on if the team will allow you to sleep on a pile of spread out newspapers on the concourse floor.