Maybe this is just wild conjecture here -- and we all know how much everyone loves opinions in Serious Journalism -- but isn't Barack Obama's birthday cake hideously ugly? This is not at all in line with Obama's sleek, skinny-tie persona, and frankly, we're shocked.
It looks like the Cake Boss's disgruntled ex karate-chopped the frosting bag.
Decorated with the presidential seal, the layer cake was accompanied by various pies, including pecan, huckleberry, Key lime and coconut cream, plus a cheesecake.
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How'd this happen? Michelle wears $540 Lanvin sneakers to plant organic veggies in the White House garden. The girls switch outfits aboard Air Force One to arrive in Paris in crisp khaki trench coats.
Sure, Barack did have that one little slip up with the mom jeans, but we're ready to move past that.
This is not a family that courts cavities via swirls of Harris Teeter grocery store icing and fondant seals propped up against the edge of frosted daisies and blue garlands.
The Obamas should be celebrating with Baked & Wired cupcakes topped high with icing and those little silver balls that look really cool but kinda hurt everyone's teeth nonetheless.
And then there's the "44." We all know he's the 44th president, but come on, it's his 48th birthday. Are we celebrating his birthday, or celebrating that he's president? Wait, don't answer that.
Michelle, Malia and Sasha, plus more than 30 staffers, sang "Happy Birthday" to the president at a celebration in the Roosevelt Room. Now, hush up, birthers, or you're not getting any cake.