"Saturday Night Live's" cold open mocked the physical exam results for President Donald Trump that were released earlier this week.
White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders (Aidy Bryant) wishes media members a "Happy Women's March" before she introduces the doctor at a press briefing, who comes out to explain "how not fat the president is."
Beck Bennett played Dr. Ronny Jackson, the physician who examined Trump.
"He has a gorgeous 44-inch Coke-bottle waist. And his height, 75 inches with legs that seem to go on forever," Bennett's Jackson says. "It's my expert medical opinion that the president has a rockin' bod with an excellent cushion for the pushin'. And if given the chance, I would."
After Pete Davidson says he was there on behalf of "Saturday Night Live" and asks about Trump's alleged affair with porn star Stormy Daniels, Bryant's Sanders interrupts the questions.
"The president has passed every exam we gave him," she later insists. "Physical exam. Mental exam. The Tide Pod challenge? Crushed it."
U.S. & World
In a "Jeopardy" spoof, "SNL" host Jessica Chastain plays a television game show host for a program called "What Even Matters Anymore," in which she asks players questions about President Donald Trump's words and actions.
Chastain asks them if it matters that Trump called Haiti and African nations "s--thole countries", that he allegedly had an affair with a porn star and if he fires Special Counsel Robert Mueller or hires illegal immigrants to build his proposed border wall.
The answer to each question is: no, it doesn't matter.
"You'd think Trump supporters get mad, but then he blurts out, 'Chuck Schumer did it' and Trump supporters believe him. They just believe him," Chastain says as she grows increasingly upset.
The skit ends with the contestant consoling Chastain.
"Weekend Update" hosts Colin Jost and Michael Che take jabs at the Trump administration before speaking to Stormy Daniels (Cecily Strong), Princes William and Harry (Alex Moffat and Mikey Day) and Robert Mueller (Kate McKinnon).
"Congratulations to Donald Trump, who managed to keep our government open for almost one whole year," Jost deadpans. He says Trump blamed Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer for the government shutdown because "Trump never misses a chance to blame a minority."
Jost later notes that Trump's first year in office also marked the year that the Republicans controlled all three branches of government. He asks to see a list of their accomplishments but the only items that scrolled up the screen were "tax bill" and "government shutdown."
Chastain hosted "SNL" for the first time this week. She used part of her monologue to sing "You Don't Owe Me," referring to the feminist movement and the second women's march that took place earlier Saturday. "SNL" cast members Kate McKinnon and Cecily Stong joined her for the song, wearing Time's Up and #MeToo T-shirts.
Musical guest Troye Sivan performed "My My My!" and "The Good Side."