Trash Talk: Mavs, Heat Fuel Fire Between Cities

Below is some fun banter between one of our resident sports bloggers, Scott Crisp, and NBCMiami's Todd Wright, leading up to the NBA Finals between our beloved Mavericks and the Miami Heat.

Do the really call them the Heatles?  Join in the fun and leave your comments below.

Hello Miami,

Congratulations on a nice season. Your team performed so well, it was almost as if you had brought in ringers--like, really, really talented ringers--at some point last offseason. And these ringers made an obnoxious show of their decision to ring for you.

Anyway, it appears as though we can’t be friends for the next week or so, as our respective NBA teams do battle for the NBA Championship. I won’t go as far as to suggest that the last time our teams met in the finals, the officiating altered the series and ultimately cost the Mavs the championship. But seriously, the last time we met in the finals, the officiating was terrible and ultimately cost the Mavs the championship.

If I sound bitter, it’s because, well, I’m still kind of bitter about all that. But I’m feeling better knowing that we will soon avenge 2006 with our tenacious defense, deadly three point shooting and old man strength. 

By the way, you’re welcome for (Dallas Lincoln graduate) Chris Bosh.

Sincerely,
Dallas

Dear Dallas,
 
Thank you for the warm wishes from a city where the Mavericks are third-class sports citizens behind a team that routinely underachieves and Jerry Jones. Yes, we just called Jerry Jones a sport. But back to the NBA Finals. Dallas should be proud. Not because your team outlasted an injury-plagued squad from the Pacific unknown, a splintered and aging former two-time champion and a upstart Oklahoma City team that fumbled away games like Tony Romo on a game-winning field goal attempt. While those are stunning achievements that some might call a cake walk to the Finals, we say Dallas should be proud to be the delicious dessert for the hungry beast that has been unleashed on South Beach.
 
Not everyone can say they were devoured alive by Three Kings (well, technically, Philadelphia, Boston and Chicago can say it, but who wouldn't want to be the cherry on top?).
 
Oh, and about 2006. Thanks again for those fine German hops going flat in Game 3. We see he has improved on his free throws. He's had five years to practice since that fateful miss. And if Dirk can't get it done, you can always hang your championship hopes on that tiny guy off the bench exposing the most tenacious defense the NBA has ever seen. NOT! We keep bug spray in the 305 for such pests.
 
Hopefully, Mark Cuban wears a shirt that isn't so tight this NBA Finals. If not, we offer plenty of fashion options on South Beach. We've got a LeBron Hater Snuggie with his name on it. What's Cuban's size? An extra medium?
 
Cheers from South Beach and Welcome to Miami.
The Heatles

Dear Miami,

Thank you for the hospitality, and we look forward to partying in the city where the heat is on, all night on the beach till the break of dawn. Or watching some basketball games, whichever.

It’s true that you have an impressive roster. That Dwayne Wade is quick, and more impressive, judging by the aforementioned 2006 Finals, breathing on him too hard is a shooting foul, at least in the eyes of your 2006 Finals MVP, Joey Crawford.

Your big three have been quite impressive throughout the playoffs. Watching them beat on the likes of the 76ers, the Boston Retirees and the Derrick Rose Experiment, a lot of people in Dallas had to take pause and exclaim loudly, “Wait a minute--the Sixers made the playoffs?”

We are kind of hanging our hopes on the combination of Dirk Nowitzki and the best bench in basketball, complete with the “tiny guy” who has spent the playoffs dicing up the best defenses the Western Conference has to offer. We’ll concede that he is kind of a pest, but we’re pretty sure that spraying him with your bug spray would be called a foul--you know, unless that Crawford guy is officiating.

Cheers from Dallas and good luck finding an answer for Dirk’s fall-away jumper. (Just kidding. We all know there is none.)

Mavs Nation,
 
We are more than happy to have you in the nation's new title town (not 5, not 6, not 7, not 8...) and we appreciate your contribution to the beginning of a new era in pro sports. Glad you could "witness" it first hand. Joey Crawford is a fine gentleman and a true professional. Maybe if Dallas didn't institute the "Hack of Heat" defense in 2006, there would be a trophy inside that other American Airlines building. You must credit Avery Johnson for that great defensive strategy, not the guys in stripes. It should be noted that tugging at the King's cape is indeed a flagrant foul (ask Dan Gilbert) and could result in elimination from the playoffs.
 
But back to Dallas. Take solace in knowing that the Heatles are required to make a visit to your city and finally provide some excitement to the area. Chris Bosh sends his regards and is excited to return to town a conquering hero. No autographs though because we are so Hollywood.
 
We have been giddy all weekend thinking about that famous saying, "Everything is bigger in Texas," like the open lanes to the basket, Mark Cuban's mouth after another Finals loss to us, and the inevitable King-sized dunk Brendan Haywood will suffer at some point during this series. And you thought Kevin Durant's poster was bad.
 
And we can't wait to deal with that college-style zone defense. No professional team does it better than Dallas. Wait, no professional team really does it at all.
 
Tip off is just a few hours away and we are already blowing up the balloons for the parade down Biscayne Boulevard. Tell Caron Butler to stop poking us on Facebook. We haven't forgotten about him. He's invited to the celebration, too.
 
We're not too sure about Mark Cuban. We have enough hot air down here as it is.
 
We'll try not to celebrate too hard on your home court. We left such a mess last time.
 
Toodles,
Miami Championship Sound Machine