Some of the Best Chuck Norris “Facts”

We've compiled some of the best Chuck Norris jokes in honor of the "Walker, Texas Ranger" star's birthday.

30 photos
1/30
Getty Images
"There's no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, there's only another fist."
2/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone."
3/30
"Chuck Norris doesn't play hide-and-seek, he plays hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
4/30
Getty Images
"There's no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live."
5/30
"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down."
6/30
Getty Images
"When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris."
7/30
"Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside."
8/30
"Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin, its descendants are known today as giraffes."
9/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead, it's just afraid to move."
10/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise."
11/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris' computer has no backspace button, because Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes."
12/30
Getty Images
"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closets and under his bed for Chuck Norris."
13/30
Getty Images
"There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives."
14/30
Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
"Chuck Norris it the reason Waldo is hiding."
15/30
Getty Images
"If you misspell Chuck Norris' name on Google it doesn't say 'did you mean Chuck Norris?' instead it displays 'Run, while you still can.'"
16/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra and after five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died."
17/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices, his vehicles run on fear."
18/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it."
19/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he wins fair and square."
20/30
Getty Images
"When the zombie apocalypse stars, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive, the zombies do."
21/30
Getty Images
"Time waits for no man, unless that man is Chuck Norris."
22/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants."
23/30
"Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip."
24/30
WireImage
"M.C. Hammer learned the hard way, that Chuck Norris can touch this."
25/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris makes onions cry."
26/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice."
27/30
"Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is."
28/30
Getty Images
"If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has $10"
29/30
Getty Images
"Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about."
30/30
Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
"If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris."
Contact Us