Retail Therapy: Surviving a Cowboys Loss

We know it's hard to get over our 'Boys adding to the L column. Here's what you should buy to get over it.

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THE COWBOYS ARE TOAST: Super Bowl chances smashed. Dynasty in shambles. The cynics are quick to say "the Cowboys are toast." How right they are -- with this ProToast toaster, of course. Just stick up to two slices into the retro-styled, Cowboys-licensed device, and within seconds you'll have the famed star branded right on the side of your breakfast. Now the Cowboys will get jammed everyday, not just during game time. GET IT: $34.99,
PUNCHING BAG: We know you sometimes want to punch Alex Barron in the face, but maybe a 40-inch tackle buddy can stave off your need to put players on the injury list. Besides, this inflatable dummy is ready to bounce back from any hit with a weighted sand bottom. If only all our players would get up from a hit so fast... GET IT: $24.95, Football Fanatics
THE SPORT OF KINGS: Distract yourself on gameday with the true sport of kings -- beer pong. We found a Cowboys branded "Tailgate Table" on Amazon, ready to fold out in your garage and keep you from watching the fifth replay of that goal line fumble. Oh, and brand wizards at the NFL? You're not fooling anyone when you include a ping-pong net with your "tailgate table!" GET IT: $111.15,
5/9 Hayser
STEADY HANDS?: Oh, Jenga. Just when you think you've got a handle on the situation, boom -- everything collapses. Sounds like a group of guys in blue and white to us. Go figure, there's a Dallas Cowboys branded Jenga game so you can practice your Miles Austin steady hands. GET IT: $24.99,
PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM: You keep playing the game over and over in you head already, why not actually prove you could have done better than Garrett against the Skins? Madden 11 is available for Xbox 360, Wii, Playstation 2&3, and PSP, so there's plenty of chance your gaming system supports it...if you don't have it in your disc tray already.
THROWING A BRICK: When you get the urge to throw something at the TV, don't hurt your pricey all-in-one remote or spill your soda -- just grab your brick and throw. Wait! You did buy a foam brick first, right? Good. GET IT: $9.99,
THE VOODOO THAT YOU DO DO: You're on pins and needles when the offensive offensive coordinator (not a typo) doesn't call for a knee -- why shouldn't he be, too? Make sure he gets the point with this Sports Fan Voodoo Kit including a handy voodoo doll capable of effecting any sport, some pins, and a paperback book of incantations, spells, and other voodoo that you do do so well. For added fun, stick a photo of your target on the face of the doll. You can thank us later. GET IT: $11.01,
SAVE AND SMASH: We're kind of in the mood to break something, so why not go old-school and break into a piggy bank -- conveniently plastered with the logo of the infuriating Cowboys. Not feeling that violent -- it's okay. If you're fond of saying, "If I had a nickel for every time Jason Garrett called a bad play," at least you'll have a place to put your nickels. GET IT: $24.99,
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