This Week In Schadenfreude: LSU Descends Into a Maelstrom of Self-Hatred

scha·den·freu·de

-noun

satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.

[Origin: 1890-95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy]

On This Week In Schadenfreude we explore the sputtering rage, gibbering condemnation, and resigned ennui of the college football fan who has recently undergone humiliating defeat. Because even in your darkest hour, someone else is suffering too, and probably worse than you. Unless you are a Michigan fan who has just finished watching the Appalachian State game.

I don't think a winning team has ever pulled down the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness award, but we have history this week. LSU fell behind against the Troy Trojans of Troy (We're From Troy!) 31-3, causing a mass exodus from Death Valley and a truly epic message board war. This is the nuclear bomb:

At this point LSU fans just need to STFU. We are largely irrelevant, living off past glory, full of self-congratulatory bluster. Even now, some tard (sorry PJ) is on my radio talking about Nick Saban. Saban ? We don't believe in our team, we don't believe in our coaches, it's not important to us anymore to even stay at the stadium. We have made second-guessing an art form and have a juvenile view of reality. We bitched our way through a National Freaking Championship and now we are sniveling through a 9/10 win season. THAT IS WHO WE ARE. Snivelers. Whiners. Crybabies. With a ridiculous sense of entitlement.

I'm not blaming us or even asking for change, I'm just acknowleding the Truth.

Uh. Wow. And then you've got the first response:

It was either leave or kill the wife to stop the whining and there were too many witnesses to do the right thing.

Yes, what they say about LSU fans is true: they smell like corndogs and are complete lunatics. (Just kidding LSU fans! Please don't dip me in batter and fry me!) The rest of the week in spleen after the jump.

BIG TEN

Michigan, well... at this point Michigan fans are mostly numb after the events of the season and if they weren't numb already they definitely were after sitting outside in 35 degree sleet watching their team lose against Northwestern. The Wolverine Liberation Army is actually encouraged by this turn of events but post tags are the window to the soul:

your soul is only crushed if you let it be crushed i saw that in a mexican fortune cookie

Coincidentally, I saw "post tags are the window to the soul" in a Mexican fortune cookie, too.

Notre Dame didn't actually lose, but they really tried to, fumbling on the four up 27-7 and proceeding to let Navy score a touchdown, recover an onside kick, score another touchdown, and recover another onside kick before finally recovering and preventing the Middies from really, truly murdering the Weis era.

Rakes of Mallow goes with the all caps:

Look, my girlfriend is in the Navy. Her sister is in the Navy. Their father and grandfather were also in the Navy. I've got nothing but respect for the Navy...

BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T PUT IN YOUR BACK-UPS WHEN YOU'RE ONLY UP 20 WITH NINE MINUTES LEFT IN THE GAME!

As I started to write this I couldn't remeber exactly how much time was left when we put Sharpley in. I thought it was 7 minutes tops. Then I went back to espn.com's play chart and OH MY GOD THERE WAS STILL NINE MINUTES LEFT IN THE GAME!

EXPLETIVE! EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE!

Actually, of all the indefensible things Charlie Weis has done in an effort to prove he's smarter than the world, isn't yanking the starters up 27-7 with the ball and nine minutes on the clock way down the list? I mean, if the fourth-string running back doesn't fumble we're not even having this conversation.

PAC 10

"Man, you look like your dog died" is something Washington State fans have probably heard all year. The Cougars are 1-10, winless against I-A competition. They've been shut out three times and lost to Stanford by 58. They may be the worst Pac-10 team in history.

So... yeah, that's bad. But this just happened to Sedihawk, the lead guy on the only consistently updated Washington State football blog out there and therefore possibly the biggest Coug fan among us:

Sadly, we had to say good-bye to the best dog ever yesterday, as he finally lost his battle with lymphoma. He was initially diagnosed in the spring, and we decided to fight for him by going the chemotherapy route. It was expensive and emotionally draining, but to us, it was worth it. ... Barkley was closing in on his 9th birthday, and while 8 years and 9 months might seem like a good amount of time for a dog, well, to us he was taken far, far too early.

His dog actually died. That's rough.

SEC

There's not much to say when you're South Carolina and get smashed 56-6, except maybe "Verne Lundquist I hate you":

I don't even want to talk about the lateral on the kickoff return. The call was foolish, especially on a wet field. Moreover, it reeked of desparation. Not much else to say about it, other than that Gary Danielson and Verne Lundquist's response to the official review of whether the guy who recovered the fumble scored or not proves yet again that these two are among the most biased, unprofessional pricks in broadcasting.

Dude, Verne Lundquist? Of all people? Verne Lundquist is like the nicest man on the planet.

I'll give you Danielson, I guess. I actually have a theory on him: CBS has instructed him to praise everything that has ever happened in an SEC game. I've seen him praise the defense for causing false starts, praise a quarterback throwing it directly at four linebackers, praise a fumbled snap. Every fumbled snap he announces is magnificent because it is an ESS EEE CEE(!) fumbled snap.

BIG EAST

Syracuse 14, UConn 39. Cue the crying child:



Also cue the Greg Robinson firing. Is this the end of the crying children? No! No, say it isn't so!

Last year's Schadenfreude-man-an award made up for the "This Year In Schadenfreude" wrap up post-was new Louisville head coach Steve Kragthorpe, who immediately cratered Bobby Petrino's program and was tossed around as a guy who might get fired after one year. He did not, but he's not exactly off the hot seat:

With all due respect to Cincinnati - a team that will almost certainly prove itself fully capable of handling Syracuse in two weeks - that was an awful football game. In fact, this has been a season loaded with almost nothing but awful football games. Even in the tight tilts where I've been near completely focused on willing the Cards to victory, there's always been a moment where, "wow, this is pretty bad" has crept into the back of my mind.

Agro-Krag's antics are no longer meeting with approval (and by "no longer" I mean "never did but continue to get more annoying"):

So apparently Brian Kelly's blowing off Kragthorpe after the game was the product of Krag making a fuss over the Bearcat players praying around midifeld before the game.

That's awesome. You get the feeling sometimes that the guy goes out of his way to invent stuff to get worked up about with the hope that he can minimize the lack of intensity criticism.

Louisville fans with hope for the future are now comparing Kragthorpe to... Rich Brooks?

One of my big donor friends said half-heartedly, 'Hey, look at what Brooks has done. Give K time."

I said "Do we really want to wait 4-6 yrs and see if we can even get a Rick Brooks and some Motor City Bowls out of this guy."

I'm with that guy. When your best case scenario is Rich Brooks, you have erred. Repair your err.

BIG TWELVE

Texas A&M may be angrier at Mike Sherman than they ever were at Dennis Franchione, and that's saying something. Check it, and mind the [sic]:

Fran had some pretty damn low points, but to give Sherman the alltime TD leader, an uquestionable leader & (hopeful) dual threat QB, a LIGHTS OUT back with 2 more in the pipeline? BEing an Ex-O-LINE COACH AND SUCK THIS BAD UP FRONT?? Retire right now before it gets worse Sherman.

Yes Fran brought us to an ABYSMAL def status, but he did about as good as anyone available couldve holding his own in recruiting against LSUberforehead & Mack Brown. We couldve turned up the heat on Franny enough to make him toss Darnell & hire someone serious about D.

And then there's this variation on the FRANKLIN=DEATH meme:

hiring franny = death penalty

I think we're decided on this. 2008=DEATH.

Finally, I don't even know what this is about:

Ever since I have been associated with A&M (cerca 2002) I have made a bet with myself for the annual tu game:
If A&M wins, I will grow a mustache.

This year, since we are such dogs, I will spice it up:
If A&M wins, I will grow a mustache & mullet/rattail.

This man's username is "RedassAustinSawHorn60," FWIW. Of course it is.

ACC

Last week I surveyed the ACC, found it boring, and declared that Florida State needed to get hammered. Check and mate, it's rantin' time at Tomahawk Nation (emphasis mine):

This team is reeling. The administration must do whatever it can to keep Fisher. If that means firing Mickey Andrews, Jody Allen, and Chuck Amato, then it needs to be done. If that means getting rid of our head coach who looked pathetic on national television proclaiming "everyone has problems", then do it. This is a fractured leadership dynamic and it is killing Florida State. Jimbo should leave if he is not given the reigns for 2009-- nothing less. Seminole Nation must do whatever it takes to end this joke. When is enough, enough? Leadership starts at the top. Fans should not support a product that is less than whole. We might as well print tickets to the 2009 Bowden and Co. Clown Show if the administration and the boosters don't finally pull the plug. We can no longer afford to take a 0 at the head coaching spot. We cannot afford to start over. If Jimbo is our guy (and right now, we won't do better), show it. Axe Bobby. Axe Mickey. Axe Jodey. Axe Chuck. We're not getting back to the elite dragging Bobby and Mickey around. We cannot afford to start over.

Usually I'd chop something that long down, but that is one nasty, blunt paragraph right there.

The comments to it are about the same, and we get bonus Why Did I Do This To My Body schadenfreude:

I don't have much else to say other than I feel sick. I am embarrassed. Embarrassed to have a Seminole tattoo inked onto my body. Pathetic. Disappointed. Once again my hopes were sky high as I cheered loudly and threw beer across the room as NC State defeated Wake earlier today. Excited that we held our own destiny.

ACCCG goodbye. Emerald Bowl, hello.

As much as I love him, BB needs to go.

Also, I have no idea what this feels like:

At this point... I'd celebrate a 21 point loss to Florida the same I would a win. UF is going to be a bloodbath.

Nope, not at all. No idea whatsoever. (Help me I have to watch the Ohio State game next week someone send morphine please morphine morphine morphine.)

This Week In Schadenfreude: LSU Descends Into a Maelstrom of Self-Hatred originally appeared on NCAA Football FanHouse on Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:44:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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