*While hunting in East Texas, Leonard Davis will shoot and kill bigfoot. He will alert authorities to this historic kill, but by the time they arrive, the only thing left of the beast will be large pile of bones. Licking his fingers, Davis will say, “Sorry--got hungry.”
*On Friday night, Dez Bryant will take a young lady to a nice dinner at Pappas Bros. Steakhouse. After they order their second bottle of wine, Bryant will notice that Sports Illustrated’s Peter King is at the next table, glowering at what he deems to be a display of excess. As their tiramisu arrives, King will shake his head in disgust and leave. Bryant will be confused for a moment, then just go back to the tiramisu.
*Left unsatisfied by the lack of competition this weekend, kicker David Buehler will pick a fight with Wolverine from the X-Men. Buehler will sustain some cuts and scrapes from Wolvie’s adamantium claws, and Wolverine will suffer a few broken ribs--but the fight will end in a draw.
*ESPN’s Michael Wilbon, without a platform to bash the Cowboys, will spend the weekend trying to convince his closest friends and family of the team’s ineptitude and arrogance. Said friends and family will look back at him with blank faces.
*John Schnatter of Papa John’s will show up at my door on Sunday with an armful of free pizza and wings. I’ll do my “I got some free pizza and wings” dance that everyone loves so much.
*Without a Dallas Cowboys game to watch, a local middle-aged couple will spend Sunday rediscovering why they fell in love in the first place--they’ll have a picnic, drink some wine, maybe even have a ride in one of those swan-shaped paddle boat things. This story of passion rekindled will inspire a schmaltzy book and then a schmaltzy movie, probably starring Richard Gere and Diane Lane.
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