Jones Insists He Doesn't Need A GM, Is Insane - NBC 5 Dallas-Fort Worth
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Jones Insists He Doesn't Need A GM, Is Insane



    I think we all know by now that Jerry Jones will NEVER voluntarily relinquish his death grip on the Cowboys. Still, it has to anger Cowboys fans when he goes on the radio and justifies not hiring a proper GM with a stream of idiotic blather that would rival that of your local dumpster hobo. Feeling grumpy this morning? No? You're about to:

    The facts are that I've spent 22 years doing this exactly the same way.

    First off, that's a lie. Jones has not spent 22 years doing this the exact same way. When Jimmy was in charge, Jimmy got to pick the players. When Bill Parcells was in charge, Parcells got to pick the players. Johnson won two Super Bowls and laid the foundation for a third. Parcells handed the Cowboys the core of decent players (Romo, Ware, Witten) that Jones is still desperately clinging to in hopes of remaining relevant. When someone else picks the players, good things happen. When Jerry picks the players, AWFUL THINGS HAPPEN.

    Secondly, it's not a good thing if you've been doing things the exact same way for 22 years and the past 16 of them have ended without a Super Bowl appearance. That's a damning indictment of your recent job performance, not some kind of incredible asset.

    Hold on, it gets worse. 

    The thing you've got to realize is that when you have an owner that is full-time as the owner...

    Pause here. Please note that the Double J just referred to himself in the third person using both the definite article AND the indefinite article. A stunning display of linguistic gooshgaggery. 

    ...then you create a situation where you have as much turnover at GM as you do at the coaching level," Jones said. "And I think that just deters from the mix."

    THIS MAN IS INSANE. Look at that quote again and go drink a gallon of bleach. Here's what Jerry is basically saying: When you have a meddlesome owner, then you're GM is gonna get fired a lot because the owner is so meddlesome, which is distracting! Jones says this without realizing, for one second, THAT THIS WOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM IF HE WEREN'T SO MEDDLING. He makes it sound like having a "full-time owner" is the only option, and it's not! You know what's an option, Jerry? NOT having a full-time owner. Having an owner who hires a GM, lets him do his job, and then stays up in the box during games and claps politely. THAT IS AN OPTION, YOU RAVING LUNATIC.

    This man is destroying an entire city.