Jerry Jones "Cuts Corners" in the Bathroom - NBC 5 Dallas-Fort Worth
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Jerry Jones "Cuts Corners" in the Bathroom



    From cage dancers to videoboards to official guacamole providers to $60 pizzas, we've found out about nearly every nook and cranny of JerryWorld. The only thing we haven't gotten a guided tour of, in fact, would seem to be the toilets.

    Left to the imagination and given the grandiosity of the rest of the building, we imagine heated seats that massage your glutes resting on porcelain bases so clean and sparkling that you'd just as soon eat a four course meal off of them instead of depositing the remains of one. We imagine the softest 8-ply toilet paper known to man, a harpist lightly strumming in the corner and a digital console that can provide one of 300 scents to make you forget that there are eight or nine other guys in the bathroom with you for a post-nacho visit. 

    That idyllic thought balloon was punctured, though, by a report from Giants linebacker Danny Clark. He wasn't too thrilled with the facilities on Sunday. 

    "There's not a lot of hot water in there," Clark said. "[Jones] cut some corners in the bathroom there."

    Clark's comments call to mind all of the allusions to the Roman Colosseum that were flying around on Sunday night, however. Jones himself has claimed it as an inspiration, perhaps even including a replication of the facilities provided in the bowels of Rome to take care of the bowels of gladiators before they are summoned to the amusement of those deemed worthy of entry into the world of Caeser.

    There's a long tradition of gamesmanship when it comes to visiting locker rooms. Cramped quarters, amped-up heat and cold water in the showers are all part of that tradition, so we won't shed too many tears about that. But let's please hope that this is the only corner that was cut in the bathroom. Visiting team or not, men shouldn't force other men to use some thin, sandpapery paper or toilets prone to clogging. It's just part of the social contract, just as it was in Roman times.