Big D has lost some muscle.
Despite having shoved its way onto the second annual "America’s Manliest Cities" study once again; Dallas dropped five spots since last year, down to number 39 on the list.
Dallas whooped both the West Coast (Los Angeles is ranked 48th out of 50 major metropolitan areas) and East Coast (Miami is ranked 49th). New York dragged its size 13’s (know what we mean) up 15 spots to number 35.
Our illustrious city, a bastion of ultra-lounges and well-coiffed ‘dudes’ throwing back Chardonnay, eeked out a spot behind the only other Texas city to make the list -- Houston, at number 24.
The study, performed by Sperling's BestPlaces, ranked each city based on manly magazine subscriptions, the popularity of power tools, frequency of monster truck rallies, sports, manly lifestyle, and concentration of manly retail stores and manly occupations.
When it comes to sports we can't understand the methodology. The study claims to look at the number of professional major league sports teams in a city (football, baseball, basketball and hockey), the number of nearby NASCAR tracks and racing events.
We wonder how we didn't slam dunk the other cities since we have America's Team, the Dallas Mavericks, Dallas Stars and Texas Rangers right here, as well as Texas Motor Speedway down the street for a little NASCAR action.
According to the criteria looked at by so-called experts hired by MARS Snackfoods, Dallas fared well in one area, placing 10th in concentration of manly retail stores. Well, that makes perfect sense if you think about it. It’s not hard to find a well-dressed man in this city, just difficult to put a well-manicured pinky on a real man.
The funkiest criterion on which a city’s manliness was measured was that of salty snack sales. Apparently the more Combos a man throws down his gullet, the higher his masculinity. Whatever. D-town held it down with a No. 22 ranking in this area. Eating barbecue ribs and steaks screams manly to us, but again -- whatever.
In the manly “kryptonite”/emasculating criteria, San Francisco ranked first for having the fewest masculine characteristics in its metro area. Shocking. Dallas was 14th.
Ranking 39th out of 50 doesn’t means Dallas has a lot more macho ground to gain before it out ranks the big dogs.
Charlotte, NC, took this year's top spot, followed by 2) Columbus, Ohio; 3) Kansas City, Mo.; 4) Nashville, Tenn.; 5) Baltimore; 6) Milwaukee; 7) Chicago; 8) Indianapolis; 9) Washington; and 10) Philadelphia.
It’s time to man up Dallas, put the Chardonnay down and order a double Crown or shot of Jack. Button up your silk shirt past the navel, too, and get out some power tools girly-man (insert Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor grunts here).