WHEEL. OF. PARCELLS! Where The Former Dolphins Prez Goes Next

By Drew Magary
|  Wednesday, Sep 8, 2010  |  Updated 4:03 PM CDT
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NFL Cheerleaders: Pre-Season Week 3

AP

Bill Parcells, the Executive Vice President of the Miami Dolphins, watches the football team work out Monday, July 28, 2008 in Davie, Fla. during the third day of training camp. (AP Photo/J. Pat Carter)

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By now, you’ve likely heard the news that Miami Dolphins president Bill Parcells has ceded full control of the team to GM Jeff Ireland, who will undoubtedly use his newfound pull to ask any number of draft picks if their moms were street walkers.

Parcells remains with Miami as a daily consultant. But in this economy, you and I both know that “consultant” is just a word for “desperately looking for a new job.” In fact, the Miami Herald points out that Parcells is contractually no longer obligated to the team in any capacity, which means he’s free to walk at any time.

 

Parcells has long been planning to turn over the team to Ireland, but he has been waiting for the right time to do so.

For the past 18 months, since owner Stephen Ross bought the team, Parcells has been under no contractual obligation to the team.

An opt-out clause allowed him to walk away at any point while still collecting the remainder of his four-year, $16 million deal.

Parcells may say this is all part of a normal process, and that he’s still all in with the Dolphins. But his word about such matters is no more reliable than Brett Favre’s during the NFL offseason.

Parcells belongs in the same class of coaches as Nick Saban and Larry Brown, nomads who never linger around one team for too long because of their addiction to overcoming new challenges. They’re collectors: Men who easily grow bored, always searching for new teams to add to their resume of reclamation jobs.

There are plenty of NFL teams out there right now that will have leadership voids by the end of this season. What if the Houston Texans fail to reach the playoffs again? What if John Fox ditches Carolina? What if the Giants collapse yet again?

Every new year brings around some tasty new team in need of help, and I seriously doubt Parcells will be able to resist the thrill of once again being the guy who waddles through the door to save the day. He’s a teamanizer. And he’ll be teamanizing until the day he dies. Look for him to head up a new team by February.

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