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Trash Talk: No Metaphor Left Unturned in Mavs, Heat Rivalry

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    NEWSLETTERS

    TK
    Getty Images
    DALLAS, TX - JUNE 05: Dirk Nowitzki #41 of the Dallas Mavericks drives for a shot attempt against Chris Bosh #1 of the Miami Heat in Game Three of the 2011 NBA Finals at American Airlines Center on June 5, 2011 in Dallas, Texas.

    Below is some fun banter between one of our resident sports bloggers, Scott Crisp, and NBCMiami's Todd Wright, leading up to Game 4 of the NBA Finals between our beloved Mavericks and the nationally despised harbinger of all things evil and unholy that are the Miami Heat.

    Dear Texans,

    We in Miami just wanted to say thanks for the home cooking you and the Dallas Mavericks have extended thus far these NBA Finals. Game 3 was the perfect example of the gift that keeps on giving: turnovers. Oh, and we would be rude guests if we didn't thank you for the hometown hero, Chris Bosh. It had to be a treat for the fans of Dallas to see one of their own finally make good in the clutch. The fact that Bosh did it despite being nearly blind in one eye like a pirate of the Caribbean only makes the swish of his shot sound sweeter.

    And no, you don't have to thank us for the Christmas in June gift that was Game 2 or allowing Dallas to have three games at home. It was our pleasure. The longer we extend the series, the more we get to showcase the NBA's new Dream Team. And we have to talk to the TV folks about getting a few more commercials starring Dwyane Wade aired. That guy is a tremendous talent, as we are sure DeShawn Stevenson and Jason Kidd will attest.

    So much for that whole officiating problem Mark Cuban had in 2006. The guys in stripes have done all they can to keep the Mavs in the game since they can't seem to find a shot against the rabid Miami Heat defense. But charity can only take you so far, and so far it's only got Dallas one win.

    Thursday should officially put to end all the doubts about who is the better team and what players are ready to cement their legacy. We can't wait.

    Oh, and you might want to ask that Gregg Doyel fella if he could keep his comments to himself for the next few days. We'll give him a thank you for the 50 point game that LeBron is about to unleash in front of the Dallas faithful.

    Shrinkage can be such sweet sorrow.

    You're welcome,
    The Three Kings

    Dear Miami,

    Congratulations on taking the series lead on Sunday, and the Daytime Emmy-worthy performance by Dwayne Wade that somehow fooled those dolt refs—you know, the guys who handed you that last title. The one that smells of bias and poor officiating.

    There’s no doubting that you have a highly talented team down there. Quite impressive. Like Ivan Drago, before he collapsed and Rocky Balboa knocked him out and saved America from the Reds. So, sure, we might be down 2-1—in fact, we are. But that hardly means it’s over.

    I spoke to Rick Carlisle today—actually, it was just this guy at 7-11 who looked kind of like him—but anyway, fake Rick Carlisle told me that the Mavericks had the Heat right where they wanted them at the moment: Lulled into a false sense of security.  “Once we learn how to hold onto the ball,” fake Rick Carlisle said, “the Heat will be vanquished with ease.” After that, he asked me for some change, so I changed the subject and walked off. But still, he made some good points.

    I can agree that the Heat put on quite a show. The dancing, the pageantry, the whining and sulking when things don’t go their way—it’s just like “My Super Sweet Sixteen,” only all the girls are all really tall and good at basketball, and no fancy invitations.

    Don’t be surprised when Herr Nowitzki is back to his old, unstoppable self in Game 4.

    Dallas


    Dear Dallas Cavs,
     
    We know that the Mavs are an old (ancient) bunch, but did you really just make a Rocky Balboa reference? At least it was the best Rocky of the bunch. In Miami, AKA the Hollywood of the East, we know a thing or two or three about stars. Come to think of it, isn't it appropriate that Texas is known as the Lone Star State because the Mavs are learning the hard way that one star just ain't gonna cut it. And looking to Cleveland Cavaliers fans for help probably isn't a good look, either.
     
    Despite our differences, I think we can agree on one thing: the referees have been calling the games tighter than Mark Cuban's shirts. Since when has blocking out been a foul?
     
    We're not big on stats down here, but here's one that can't be ignored going into tonight. Teams that go up 3-1 in the NBA Finals are 30-0. That's the barrel the great Dirk Nowitzki is staring down. We know how Texans love a good western flick so think of Game 4 as the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral.
     
    Dirk is extremely outgunned with only a few aging friends to shield him from the barrage that is the Miami Heat defense. Even if he comes out guns blazing, he will eventually be overwhelmed. But at least Dirk will go down shooting, right?
     
    It's also fitting that the movie was set in a town called Tombstone. Dallas' championship hopes are about to be laid to rest, too.
     
    We'll make sure to wear black to the funeral.
    Our condolences,
    The Holly Heat
     
    P.S. "Have you guys renamed Jason Terry the 'Paper Airplane' or 'the Zeppelin' yet or are you waiting until after the Finals? We know a fine tattoo removal expert, but maybe the Jet doesn't want to take the Larry O'Brian trophy ink off his arm so LeBron can sign it for him."

    Dear Miami,

    It is true that us Texans love a good western flick, and Tombstone is a good one.

    As you’ll remember though, Ike Clanton's gang had far more guns than Wyatt Earp and co., but that didn’t stop Wyatt, Doc Holliday and the rest from winning that gunfight decidedly—so decidedly even, that the surviving cowboys sat around and cried about the Earps treating them so poorly for days afterward (sounds familiar, no?). Staying with this metaphor, consider the Heat’s Game 3 win Virgil and Morgan Earp being wounded at OK Corral—sucks, yeah, but ultimately, it didn’t really have any bearing on the outcome of the fight.

    It’s also fitting that the movie was called Tombstone, because we’re kind of hungry for some pizza right now.

    We can agree that the refs have been calling these games pretty tight, but it’s a little odd that a Miami supporter would call them out. Weren’t those the same referees who--even after watching replays several times--turned a backcourt violation into three crucial points for you in Game 3?

    Anyway, we don’t expect such lucky breaks for you tonight. Dirk’s had a day and change to think about that one time he didn’t come through in the clutch, and he’s not happy about it. Think Wyatt Earp when he goes into rampage mode and starts saying “No! No!” and shoots Ike Clanton in that creek.

    This one’s for Apollo Creed. Or Morgan Earp.

    Cheers,
    Dallas