ORCHARD PARK, NY - SEPTEMBER 01: Matthew Stafford #9 of the Detroit Lions stands on the sidelines against the Buffalo Bills at Ralph Wilson Stadium on September 1, 2011 in Orchard Park, New York. Detroit won 16-6. (Photo by Rick Stewart/Getty Images)
Power rankings. You hate them. They’re so arbitrary and pointless, especially when they include all 32 NFL teams. All you want to know after a good week of NFL action is who the bestest team in the NFL right now, and which one is the absolute worst. The one so awful, it could be left out of college football conference realignment. That’s why we have TOP AND BOTTOM OF THE NFL, where we go to great lengths to tell you who’s the top dog in football right now, this very minute. LET’S GO!
THE TOP: Detroit Lions
Guess which NFL team currently has the best point differential. What’s that? You know it’s the Lions because they’ve already been mentioned above and doing that whole “I bet I can surprise you with this little fact/stat” routine is a hallmark of hacky sportswriting? Ah. Yes, that’s true. Still, LOOGIT ALL THOSE POINTS!
And I love that people have already done the whole “Lions lifting up a downtrodden city” thing, as if the only future bright spots for the state of Michigan will come when a sports team does well. Even Bob Costas got in on it the other night in his little halftime verbal essay (there will be a quiz), saying essentially, “Obviously, a football team can’t cure a ruined city, BUT THE LIONS TOTALLY WILL!” It’s great when people apologize up front for their own clichés.
Anyway, the Lions are terrifying. They’re going to the playoffs, and I would not want to be the team facing them.
THE BOTTOM: Kansas City Chiefs
Well, that fell apart quickly. My goodness.
Everyone’s injured. The quarterback has regressed into nothingness. The coach is insufferable. I knew the Chiefs would come back to Earth a bit this season, but I didn’t expect them to crater down into the molten core of the Earth.
This team is already a walking corpse, just like the Panthers last season. A brutal, brutal team.