Talkin' Trash: Series Tied at 2-2

Below is some fun banter between one of our resident sports bloggers, Scott Crisp, and NBCMiami's Todd Wright, leading up to Game 5 of the NBA Finals between our beloved Mavericks and the nationally despised harbinger of all things evil and unholy that are the Miami Heat.

Dear Miami,

So you squandered a chance to put the wily Mavericks in a 3-1 series deficit and, as you pointed out in an earlier letter, a position that has historically meant that the series is over. Don’t beat yourselves up too badly about it--it’s just that you can’t fight destiny.

Your talent certainly hasn’t gone unnoticed this series, unless we’re talking about LeBron James’ offensive effort in the fourth quarter. Maybe he can spend some of his time this summer at the Dirk Nowitzki Camp For Kids Who Can’t Finish Games Good.

Since you so graciously thanked us for the turnovers after Game 3, I’d be remiss not to return the thanks now for the 15 times the “three kings” abdicated possession. So, uh, thanks.

Moving forward, we don’t expect this to be an easy battle, because, okay, you’re a good basketball team (*shudders). But we wouldn’t have it any other way. Makes a better sports movie, after all.

Cheers from Dallas,
MFFLs

PS. With regard to the sports movie: Dolph Lundgren as Dirk Nowitzki?

Dallas Fans,

Congratulations on being the B-list actor that just won't stop making movies until they find a gimmick that might sale at the box office. Speaking of acting, Dirk Nowitzki is the frontrunner for the Academy Award in the category of "Basketball Player Having a Terrible Game Because of Great Defense, but Blaming It On Some strain of NBA Finals flu." He really sold that one to the announcers and reporters. The towel over his head as a nice touch.

That zone really is giving us fits. Something about seeing grown men with their hands extended wide like they want a big, cuddly hug can cause multiple turnovers and bad shots. But to each his own.

At least now, Dirk, the Jet and the Fossil will get one more chance to bask in the Miami sun and pick out a few good fishing spots for their vacation once the Heat end their season. We hear the Keys are a nice spot to seclude yourself after losing an NBA championship series.

We'd like to give a special shout out to the Custodian, Brian Carindal, for his contributions to a Dwyane Wade limited edition NBA Finals poster. Unfortunately, Brendan Haywood wasn't available for the photo op.

So Game 5 will be the swing game in this series and LeBron will be ready to go. He's still adding to his list and checking it twice. Jason Terry and DeShawn Stevenson have graciously offered up their names for the slaughter. The King's memory is long and strong.

There will be blood in Game 5 - figuratively - unless JJ Barea catches an elbow coming into the paint. Wait. That was the Lakers series.

To the end (Rocky reference No. 4),
The Coalition for a Better LeBron James

Miami,

Your confidence is admirable, given LeBron’s terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad fourth quarter in each of the past two games. We’re not all that big on stats here in Dallas either, but we did hear that “The King” was held to single-digits for the first time in 50 career playoff games.

It’s true, read it on a package of string cheese.

Anyway, if it looks like our defenders want to give the Heat hugs, it’s probably because, with all the whining, bickering and crying they do, a hug seems to be just what they need. That’s just good sportsmanship (well, and good defense).

You’re welcome for the new poster and it’s good to know that, if the so-called Heatles can’t win the NBA Championship, their fans can take solace in one hell of a highlight video on YouTube, and remember that time they got to watch live as the Big German cemented his legacy as one of the all-time greats--101-degree fever, or no.

Anyhow, Dirk is feeling much better now, and he’ll be ready to bid the Dallas faithful adieu for the season with a momentum-grabbing victory on Thursday night.

There will be tears after Game 5--figuratively, unless Chris Bosh gets his feelings hurt again and just has to let it out. Oh wait. That was after that Orlando game.

Keep that upper lip stiff, Heat.
Dallas

Mavs,

Yes, you did witness history LeBron's subpar performance in Game 4, but that's only more fuel for the King's rage. And as long as DeShawn "Soulja Boy" Stevenson keeps yapping, Dallas can expect much more highlight reel material in Game 5.

But while we are talking about LeBron, Rick Carlisle is having nightmares about Dwyane Wade. Can one man be so unstoppable? Not even a little fever could slow down MV3. Here's a little advice for Tyson Chandler: Come a little stronger next time.

It probably would also be a good idea if Carlisle dusts off that "J" in Ason Kidd. We know he's a fossil, but damn, no points?

One thing we can say is that Mavs fans are a feisty bunch and really bring the energy. Maybe not as fashionable or hot looking at Miami Heat fans, but they bring the noise. It was so loud in Game 4 you almost couldn't hear Mark Cuban whining about the officiating. Almost.

Enjoy this last live look at the NBA runner-up Dallas Mavericks. The next time you see them, they will be bringing home the second place trophy and wearing Heat gear. We are generous in the South and won't let them leave without a few parting gifts.

Chris Bosh is ready to give the hometown fans a goodbye present. D-Wade will be giving out posters. And King James is ready to freestyle all over that Mavs D.

Game 5, history will be made. See you on the other side of a Heat victory.

Miami

PS "We don't do hugs down here. Only chest bumps!

Game 5 is Thursday night at 8 p.m. in Dallas.