If there's one great thing about the NFL, it's that it has any number of players you can hate with impunity. You can hate Mike Vick for fighting dogs. You can hate Tom Brady for having stupid hair. You can hate Chris Johnson for ruining your fantasy season (and oh, how I loathe him). Why, you can hate players for no reason at all!
I hate AJ Hawk. I have no idea why. Still, HATE. Feels good.
With all that joyful hateration to be had, the folks at Forbes magazine decided to publish a poll of the ten most disliked players in the NFL. Not surprisingly, Vick tops the list. In fact, you'll find many of the usual suspects on the list:
2. Plaxico Burress
3. Ben Roethlisberger
4. Albert Haynesworth
5. Jay Cutler
6. Chad Ochocinco
7. Vince Young
8. Carson Palmer
9. Tony Romo
10. Jeremy Shockey
As you can see, our country doesn't have much tolerance for ex-cons, loudmouths, or inconsistent quarterbacking. But is this list right?
People, I submit to you that it is NOT. I believe that, while Americas was right to condemn the likes of Jay Sulkyface, that there are names missing from this list. For example:
CHRIS JOHNSON. Again, this man has single-handedly ruined fantasy teams the nation over. Innocent fantasy GM's were duped into believing Cop Speed would continue to play hard after signing a multi-million dollar contract. Instead, he got slow! And fat! And defensive about being slow and fat! That cannot stand.
PHILIP RIVERS. Not only is King Laserface a mouthy fella who routinely gets into trash talking fights with people in the stands, but he also totally sucks now. You can only get away with being a jerkface when you're not turning the ball over sixty times a game.
TIM TEBOW. Come on, how is Tebow not on this list? Everything > Tebow. Hating Tebow is the most fashionable trend of all! Ask John Elway!
RAY LEWIS. I don't know how Ray doesn't make it on this list every year. He should be a constant presence, like the McRib should be on the Mickey D's menu.
LaGARRETTE BLOUNT. He let down fantasy owners AND he's still punching people.
PEYTON HILLIS. He won't visit sick kids in the hospital! He sits out games with the flu! He's complaining for a new contract! He's like the embodiment of everything that's gone wrong with the Browns for the past decade.
MARK SANCHEZ. If you're not a Jets fan, you hate his guts. You know you do.
Those are the additions. Plaxico Burress may have shot himself, but that hardly makes him more hateable than the likes of Rivers.
So next year, my fellow countrymen, do your homework. Focus your hate. There are so many more players out there to project your insecurities upon.