Another championship matchup means another round of dignitary bets [yawn].
You’ve got your governor vs. governor wager in which Texas Gov. Rick “Pretty Hair” Perry laid down a case of barbecue sauce to see Florida Gov. Rick “Wouldn’t Know Him If I Saw Him” Scott’s Key lime pie. That it, Scott? One lousy pie?
Then you got your congresswomen — Eddie Bernice Johnson, D-Texas, betting a Texas barbecue dinner against Frederica Wilson’s, D-Florida, seafood dinner from Joe’s Stone Crab restaurant. Eddie, hon, should have bet her a hat vs. a scholarship. Sorry, was that insensitive?
Most interesting, though, might be the wagers of sin cast down by the respective Catholic dioceses, although it is rather lopsided because Miami falls in an archdiocese with an archbishop while Dallas is in a regular ol’ diocese with a regular ol’ bishop.
Anyway, Archbishop and Heat fan Thomas Wenski put up his soul … OK, sorry, that’s just wrong … put up Key lime pies, a box of hand-rolled cigars that are not Cuban [and there’s a joke there somewhere], a fish bowl with Fort Lauderdale sand, water from the Atlantic Ocean, shells, ocean breezes — and how do we know they’re ocean breezes, there, bishop? — and oranges.
Dallas Bishop Kevin Farrell countered with barbecue ribs — send him a McRib, Kevin, he won’t know the difference — tortillas and salsa, deep dish pecan pies, and a “Don’t Mess with Texas” bumper sticker.
Is there any scenario in these bets in which Texas can just give Rick Perry to Florida?
Bruce Felps owns and operates East Dallas Times, an online community news outlet serving the White Rock Lake area. Yeah, Yeah, he knows he's gonna catch it for that last Rick Perry crack. Whatever.