Dear Dallas Thieves,
Someone among your scurvy ranks pulled off a successful heist Thursday in East Dallas not far from Casa Linda Plaza.
They came in though the bathroom window and exited a backdoor. He, she, or they scored some pretty sweet swag — an $8,000 gold watch, a 42-inch flat screen TV, a laptop, you know, the usual target items that make good fence.
Here’s the deal, though … they also took three boxes from a headboard, and those boxes contain the cremated remains of the homeowners’ dearly departed dogs — Lucy, T, and Bridget. The names appear on engraved plaques affixed to the boxes.
Oh, sorry, you’re thieves. “Affixed” means attached.
The home-entry-and-removal professionals — that would be you guys, thieves — had to know the homeowners love dogs because three pugs probably barked their smooshy faces to near exhaustion while the heist went down.
Let’s face it, there’s no fence for dog ashes. Keep the watch, keep the TV, keep the computer, consider it a nice score, and you’re welcome.
Just return the dogs’ ashes.
Otherwise, answer to the hounds of hell, because karmic payback is a b**ch, and there will be payback.
And as far as the rest of you go, the good stuff’s already been taken. Look elsewhere.
Bruce Felps owns and operates East Dallas Times, an online community news outlet serving the White Rock Lake area. He hopes the thieves don’t try to snort the ashes.
The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of NBC, NBC 5, NBCDFW.com or its employees.