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Sounds of the Season: Auditory Animal Abuse

Awful animal Christmas songs

By Greg Janda
|  Thursday, Dec 19, 2013  |  Updated 8:22 AM CDT
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5 Awful Animal Christmas Songs

Why doesn't PETA go after the artists behind these Christmas songs featuring animals?

We detail the cringe-worthy aspects of these annoying songs below.

Dominick the Donkey - Lou Monte

We've always been told that reindeer pull the sleigh, but in Italy (according to this song), donkeys get the honor of hauling Christmas gifts into town. Why? Because flying reindeer can't climb hills. Seriously. Of course it gets weirder as Monte switches into a half-English half-Italian round of lyrics toward the end of the tune. We don't even know what he's saying, and we don't want to listen again to find out.

I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas - Gayla Peevey

Of course an Okie made this song. (We're just kidding, Oklahoma. Don't cry.) Ten-year-old Gayla Peevey sings her little heart out about wanting a two-ton semi-aquatic mammal that often attack humans and are considered one of the most dangerous large animals in Africa. It's pretty hard to explain to a child that a territorial beast that sprays its waste all around them isn't a very good animal to have in the house, so we'll have to chalk this up as a "cute" misunderstanding.

Silent Night - Jingle Cats

Around our house, a Silent Night is one where you don't hear cats screeching. Not so to the Jingle Cats crew. They've made dozens of Christmas favorites into annoying reminders not to feed that stray tabby. Cat lovers will appreciate that this tune is apparently made of real cat meows, unlike a lot of the other almost auto-tuned purrs on the Jingle Cat channel.

The Singing Dogs Jingle Bells - Dr. Demento

Play this for your dog. They'll enjoy it more than you do.

The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late) - The Chipmunks

Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas Song Video from 80's Chipmunks Entertainment on Vimeo.

 

It makes sense that Chipmunk reboot movies would be released near Christmas -- after all, that's when we were all first introduced to the group more than 50 years ago. Yes, the above song, including the classic "hula hoop" lyric, spent four weeks at No. 1 starting in December of 1958 and sold more than 4 million copies in seven weeks.

So, the song is pretty popular -- and, honestly, it's one of our favorite tunes during the holidays, since it reminds us of our less Grinchy youth. But, play it twice in-a-row. Now play it loud enough for your other office folks to hear it. Everyone will try their chipmunk impression, you'll have "a huuuula hoop" stuck in your head for a day, and you might cringe the next time you hear it on a play list. Sorry.

You think these are bad? Check out Five Terrible Holiday Songs here and share your least favorites.

Did we miss some other annoying animal-related Christmas tunes? Tell us in the comments below.

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