TWoP 10: Characters We'd Like to Regift (The 2009 Edition)

By Angel Cohn
|  Thursday, Dec 24, 2009  |  Updated 11:00 AM CDT
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10 Characters to Regift

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Sam, maybe you'd be happier over the The CW.

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In this tough economy, we can't be expected to spend a ton of money on presents for the holidays. So the best bet is to take something unwanted and pass it along to someone else who might appreciate it. This is exactly what we'd like to do with characters on some of our favorite shows. We've got the wrapping paper ready and shipping boxes all set so we can pass these folks off and make their current shows better in the process.

10. Sam Trammell (True Blood)
Poor little Sam Merlotte. His storylines just aren't as exciting when compared with the vampires and whatnot in Bon Temps, and the show seems to be adding more new characters by the minute. He'd be better off heading over to The Vampire Diaries, where this shape-shifter might fit in well. We're sure that Mystic Falls could use a quaint new bar and grill.

9. Jessalyn Gilsig (Glee)
It isn't entirely the actress' fault that her storyline has been the most irksome part of this season, but now that her whole fake pregnancy is resolved, it's time to let her go before Will buys into any more of her delusions. And the perfect place for a crazy person with delusions? 90210. That school needs more teachers, and we actually liked her on Boston Public.

8. Randy Jackson (American Idol)
With Kara on Idol, Randy is becoming increasingly obsolete. But if he insists on judging, maybe he could go dole out his "dawgs" on the show that actually bears his name: Randy Jackson Presents: America's Best Dance Crew. Especially since, depending on how the case turns out, there might be an available seat.

7. Samantha Harris (Dancing With the Stars)
Here's the thing about Samantha Harris: she's not a very good interviewer. And while she may look lovely in a dress, she certainly doesn't have the skills to ask any sort of meaty questions, even though that's ostensibly her job. That's why we think she'd be a perfect new host for Find My Family. She'd only have to ask the adopted kids how they feel when they're reunited with their birth parents. That can't be too hard, and she'd be better than that show's current weepy host who can't even talk sometimes because he's crying so much.

6. Paul Schneider (Parks and Recreation)
This show has been picking up steam and everyone has upped their games this fall... except Paul Schneider, whose sweet but dopey Mark has been the dull point in this otherwise bright comedy. So let this quiet romantic type head on over to Brothers & Sisters where he can woo Sara now that her fling with hottie Gilles Marini has hit the bricks.

5. Joseph Fiennes (FlashForward)
It's not that Joseph Fiennes is a terrible actor, but he's certainly not bringing his FlashForward character to life. He only makes one dopey facial expression and his character seems more obsessed with the possibility that his wife is going to cheat on him than with figuring out why millions of people died. Better to send him over to Mercy, where they specialize in lack of facial expressions. Maybe he could even become the McDreamy of that show.

4. Laurence Fishburne (CSI)
Solving cases involving bodily fluids doesn't necessarily seem to be Laurence Fishburne's cup of tea, but it would be a shame if we lost such a great actor from the airwaves permanently. Perhaps he could relocate to Gossip Girl and try his hand at playing Vanessa's dad. Since he's married to Gina Torres (who plays Vanessa's mom), this shouldn't be too much of a stretch, and the sparks could really fly.

3. Amy Brenneman (Private Practice)
Look, we're not proud of the fact that we still regularly watch Private Practice, but we do. Anyway, while Charlotte grates on our last nerve, it's really Amy Brenneman's Violet who has most disappointed us this season. Gone is the sensitive shrink and in her place is a selfish, obnoxious adulterous woman who has basically abandoned her child. The only real place for her is Melrose Place, where she can start inflicting her irritating therapy methods.

2. Tom Welling (Smallville)
We vaguely recall a time when we tuned into this show because we liked seeing the adventures of Clark Kent, but that was so long ago. Now Clark is just there. We'd like to ship him off to Heroes, where he would fit in with the other dull people with super powers, and Smallville can turn into the Green Arrow show.

1. Heather Locklear (Melrose Place)
We were so excited to have this original diva back on this watered-down remake, but Amanda isn't as vindictive or spiteful as we remember her. It's sad and it's sort of ruining our fond memories of the classic MP. So we'd like Amanda Woodward to relocate herself post-haste to Wisteria Lane in order to unleash her claws and make those Desperate Housewives' lives a living hell.

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