Punchlines ripped from the headlines

Vice Presidential Debate Gets "SNL" Treatment

Olympic legend Usain Bolt makes guest appearance

By Patrick Hickey Jr.
|  Saturday, Oct 20, 2012  |  Updated 8:25 PM CDT
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The real Usain Bolt stops by "SNL's" vice presidential debate to dispute Paul Ryan's athletic prowess.

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Vice presidential debate moderator Martha Raddatz's take-no-prisoners approach and Joe Biden’s smile and laughs while facing off against Paul Ryan set social media ablaze on Thursday.

This week’s "Saturday Night Live" was eerily similar. Well, except for Olympic legend Usain Bolt also making a guest appearance to call out Taran Killam's Paul Ryan for claiming a "sub-four-minute mile" and win at the London Olympics in the 100-meters.

"You didn't finish. You weren't even there," Bolt said in a cameo.

Earlier, Kate McKinnon’s portrayal of debate moderator Martha Raddatz was just as tough as the real one. During the mock debate, McKinnon warned the candidates not to test her. She was also critical of the first presidential debate’s moderator, PBS’s Jim Lehrer and was equally skeptical of both men’s overall importance in the presidential campaign.

“Oh and as a final reminder, your performance tonight is extremely unlikely to affect the presidential campaign," she said. "So just have fun with it.”

Jason Sudeikis’ interruptions as Biden, coupled with wanton smiling, mirrored the vice president’s body language towards his opponent on Thursday.

Killam's Paul Ryan translated Biden's use of the word "malarkey" as "Irish." 

"Irish is I come over there and smack that dumb look off your face," Sudeikis shot back, also adding, “You don’t scare me, shark eyes.”

It wasn't the only jab about Ryan’s eyes.

“Congressman Ryan, I’ve just been told that America’s small children would like you to stop looking directly into the lens. Apparently, they find it upsetting,” McKinnon said after one of Ryan’s remarks.

Both Sudeikis and Killam (when he wasn't drinking water) portrayed candidates who struggled on the issues. Ryan refused to be specific on his economic plan, but backed up his vague stance with impressive hand gestures. Biden responded to a jab about high unemployment in his hometown by saying, "Things may be bad where you live, but I guarantee you it is a paradise next to the burning coal heap that is Scranton, Pennsylvania."

This week’s Weekend Update continued the vice presidential debate rant going.

“Congressman Ryan prepared for the debate by studying policy and holding practice debates,” Seth Meyers said. “And I think Biden prepared by shot gunning Red Bull and watching Yosemite Sam cartoons.”

Meyers also threw a zinger or two at Mitt Romney.

“He flip-flops more than freshly-caught trout,” he said.

The “Update” host didn’t forget about Barack Obama either.

“You practiced for the last debate with John Kerry. Don’t do that,” he said. “Find someone more exciting to spar with like Al Gore or an old rusty birdcage.”

The segment’s special guest, Huffington Post founder Arianna Huffington (played by Nasim Pedrad) shared her thoughts on the vice presidential nominees as well.

On Ryan:

“Paul Ryan is alluring in that nice guy next door kind of way. He’s has the muscles and the money and your family loves him, but if you’ve seen any Lifetime movie, you just know he’s going to kill you.”

On Biden:

“He possesses some real feminine qualities…every time he referred to Paul Ryan, he said 'my friend this and “my friend that'. Only a woman would call someone their friend and then bitch about them for 90 minutes.”

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