Dear Andy Rooney: It's Time to Retire

He marveled at elastics, a tape dispenser and a staple remover -- on camera

By Angel Cohn
|  Monday, Aug 17, 2009  |  Updated 2:00 PM CDT
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I hate to pick on an older guy for being out of touch, but even my nearly 90-year-old grandma is more aware of technology.

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I can't say that I'm a fan of 60 Minutes in general, but by and large I can ignore it, except when it cuts into The Amazing Race because some sort of sporting event ran long and threw off CBS's entire Sunday night lineup.

Last night Big Brother was the bumped show, because apparently announcers spent a good long time in shock that wunderkind Tiger Woods lost or something, and I lamely sat watching the end of the show shocked by how completely irrelevant Andy Rooney is now.

Typically when this show runs into TAR, he's griping about one of his pet peeves like a cantankerous old man and that's fine, it kind of reminds me of my grandpa, and I at least get it. I do work at TWoP, after all, and I appreciate people sounding off with their opinions. But yesterday my mind was boggled by the inanity that came out of his mouth.

He literally did his entire segment on things that exist. I'm not even remotely kidding.

He basically said that he was sitting at his desk earlier in the week thinking about all the tools he needs to do his job on a daily basis. These tools weren't iPhones, computers or even a Blackberry. Nope, not even close. Instead he marveled at elastics, a tape dispenser and a staple remover. Apparently in his world a staple remover is a fantastic invention that might even be more useful than the stapler itself.

Then he went on to expose his antiquated ways when he wielded a letter opener and informed the world that it didn't get much use anymore. Not because most people send emails or text messages, but because he has a woman who opens his mail for him. For a moment, I thought that Mad Men started early. Lastly, he showed off his telephone, a model that probably was made circa 1989, but at least it didn't have a rotary dial. He half-heartedly lamented the fact that he gets unwanted phone calls.

I hate to pick on an older guy for being out of touch, but even my nearly 90-year-old grandma is more aware of technology. And isn't there a producer on this show who has veto power on what actually gets filmed for this? Is there not bigger news in the world that could be reported during this time? Or at least could Rooney comment on something that happened in this decade? Perhaps a segment on how the stapler industry is struggling in this tough economy because the world is becoming increasingly paperless and instead relying on emails and such? Just a thought. Pointing at things on your desk isn't a newsy segment, and certainly doesn't deserve primetime promotion... even if it was just by accident.

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