For 364 days a year, all that matters is what kind of music YOU like. But on Sunday, when the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards show comes on, it is the opinion of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences of the United States that counts.
We crunched the numbers, evaluated the contenders and channeled the academy's decision-making process to figure out who will win and who will be left sitting there in the audience, trying to hide their shame, rage and disappointment. Here's what we came up with for the Best Solo Rock Performance category.
The Breakdown: This is strictly a personal opinion, but I’m never comfortable with Bob Dylan in seductive mode. Remember when they used him in that Victoria’s Secret ad? Terrifying. And what’s going on with this video? Domestic abuse? Nothing makes sense in DylanWorld. VERDICT: Loser
”Change In The Weather,” by John Fogerty
The Breakdown:John Fogerty is always singing about weather patterns. Bad moons are rising. No one can stop the rain. The man could get an entire album out of a wintry mix. VERDICT: Loser
”Dreamer,” by Prince
The Breakdown: I love Prince, but he doesn’t deserve to win ANYTHING after that Vikings fight song he wrote. In fact, he should have all his Purple Rain Grammys revoked. That song is worse than death. VERDICT: Loser
”Fork in the Road,” by Neil Young
The Breakdown: A friend of mine got a VIP pass to a Neil Young concert at once. He was given a folding chair on the side of the stage and allowed to watch Young play right nearby. Neil Young is awesome. But he won’t win this year, because the next nominee is too tough to beat. VERDICT: Loser.
”Working On A Dream,” by Bruce Springsteen
The Breakdown: Easy money. VERDICT: WINNER!