Louis C.K. Does Stand-Up Routine on "SNL"

Louis C.K. turned his opening monologue into a complete stand-up routine, scrutinizing everything from world hunger to parenting, and the existence of heaven

By Christine Burroni
|  Sunday, Mar 30, 2014  |  Updated 2:50 PM CDT
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Louis C.K. on Saturday Night Live, March 30. 2013.

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“Saturday Night Live” returned after a two-week break with comedian Louis C.K. as host, who kept the audience laughing in and out of character.

C.K., who first hosted "SNL" after Superstorm Sandy hit in November 2012,  turned his opening monologue into a complete stand-up routine, scrutinizing everything from world hunger to parenting, and the existence of heaven.

"If you ate today, you shouldn't say 'I'm hungry,'" he said. "Hunger is a real thing. I don't have third world hunger. I have first world hunger. I would like a doughnut."

“Some people say 'I’m starving,’” he continued. “That’s offensive, don't say that."

"You never see a little kid in Africa with his ribs showing saying, ‘I’m starving right now,’ ‘I’m like literally starving to death, it’s like annoying,’” he said.

C.K. switched subjects quickly and talked about his two daughters.

“I went to my daughter’s play the other day, and there is no more joyful feeling than when a child’s play is over,” he said. “Nothing feels that good, when you can say I’m not watching that any longer.”

Then C.K., who recently had strong supporting roles in "Blue Jasmine" and "American Hustle," took on the theory of heaven: “You die and you’re like 'Hey God,' and He’s like 'Yup,' and you’re like 'Where’s heaven?' And he’s like 'I don’t know who’s telling people that? I’m supposed to make a universe and then a whole other amazing place for afterwards?'”

In the cold open, "SNL" mocked President Barack Obama's (Jay Pharoah) and his aides' attempts at outreach through social media to get more young people to sign up for health insurance before the March 31 deadline. The president's social media expert, Mara (Noel Wells) suggested that they create viral content to promote Healthcare.gov.

The president was hesitant to pose for an Instagram picture wearing Pharrell's hat while smoking an e-cigarette and holding Healthcare.gov sign, but his assistant Mike (Taran Killam) convinced him he needed to do what Mara said.

"Mr. President right now there's a child in Little Rock, and he wants to see a day when everyone has affordable health care, but he can't, because he was born without eyes," said Mike. 

Mara immediately continued with her social media plans.

“Ellen DeGeneres broke the record for most retweeted photo of all time,” she said, referring to DeGeneres' star-studded selfie at the Oscars.

She called in Kim Kardashian, (Nasim Pedrad) Harry Styles (Kate McCinnon), a cat dressed like Princess Elsa from “Frozen,” and Batkid and ordered them to pose for a shot with Obama.

Mara even convinced the president to dance with a fake Pope Francis for a vine video and make out with a Justin Bieber (Kate McKinnon).

Celebrating 50 years of the game show, "Jeopardy," Kenan Thompson hosted the sketch “Black Jeopardy,” and introduced himself as Alex “Trablack.” Contestants were Amir, (Jay Pharoah), Keeley (Sasheer Zamata) and Mark (Louis C.K.), the only white contestant. Mark, an African American Studies professor, was ready to apply his expertise, however, the featured categories were, "It's Been A Minute," "White People," and "Psssh."

“Are there going to be any questions about black history?” asked Mark.

“Hey man, relax,” the host said.. “What we got is what we got, just try and play you might win some money.”

But every time Mark attempted to answer, he received looks of disapproval from the other contestants.

In another sketch, C.K. approached a group of gossiping women played by castmembers Adily Bryant, Cecily Strong, Kate McCinnon and Sasheer Zamata, and asked for directions.

A sassy musical number ensued, as the girls sang around him, repeating the phrase “Mr. Big Stuff, who do you think you are?”

The girls took turns singing about how men “like him” hurt them in the past. As they danced in a circle around him, C.K. finally interjected to set the record straight.

“I’ll tell you who I think I am,” he said. “I’m a 46-year-old divorced bald man. And I have late onset albinism, you know what that means? It means I’m just right now becoming an albino. I’m an appropriately humble man, so don’t ever call me Mr. Big Stuff. Good day.”

The girls finally apologized and Bryant admitted that they took out their frustrations with men on him.

“Do I seem like a guy you girls would date? Like, all four of you at once?” C.K. asked.

The sketch “Office Boss” made its return when Philip (Louis C.K.) introduced his wife Karen (Adily Bryant) to his boss (Beck Bennet). 

“He’s one of the most powerful CEO’s in America and he’s a scratch golfer and he has the body of a baby,” explained Phillip when Karen said she was nervous. 

As Phillip introduced them, Patterson had no control of his hands, stumbled as he walked and involuntarily vomited on himself.

When the couple presented him with a birthday present, Patterson was grateful and said, "Oh wow, look at that. Just what I asked for, a box." Showing his excitement he uncontrollably swung the box around and slammed it into his body a few times before, losing his grip on it. 

A birthday cake was brought in the office and Patterson stuck his hand in the center of it and shoved it in his mouth. He offered Philip and Danielle some by grabbing a handful of cake and throwing it at them.

On “Weekend Update” co-anchors Cecily Strong and Colin Jost took jabs at President Barack Obama, Russian President Vladimir Putin, leader of North Korea Kim Jon Un and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

“A report compiled by a team picked by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, clears him of any wrong doing,” reported Jost referring to the internal report clearing Christie of any involvement in the scheme to create traffic problems near the George Washington Bridge last fall.

“And you can totally trust it because it was fact-checked by independent investigator, Trish Tristie,” he said, while showing a picture Christie wearing a wig and makeup.

Strong provided the lastest on North Korea: “Male students in North Korea are being forced to have their hair cut just like Kim Jong Un, in other words, by a blind person," she said, referring to a report which seemed to originate with a Radio Free Asia story that's online only in Korean.

The “Update’s” guest was ESPN commentator Stephen A. Smith, (Jay Pharoah) who doesn't hold back when expressing his opinions.

Jost asked Smith which team he predicted to win the NCAA men's basketball tournament.

“Well Colin, when this whole thing started, I picked Wichita state to win it all, and I’m still picking Wichita state,” he said. (Wichita State lost to Kentucky on Sunday, March 23.)

“Now, a lot of experts will tell you that Wichita state was eliminated from the tournament but I have a feeling, and mark my words, that Wichita state will come back and win the whole NCAA tournament and the NBA Championship!”

Musical guest, British singer-songwriter, Sam Smith performed his two songs “Stay With Me” and “Lay Me Down,” off his album, "The Lonely Hour," out on May 26. 

Anna Kendrick will host “SNL” on April 5, with musical guest Pharrell Williams.


 

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